Crack Ficlets by Emma Grant

In April 2007, I offered to write crack drabbles for prompts people gave me on my LJ. These five ficlets were the reuslt.

sonofdarkness requested: Harry Potter/Angel and/or Buffy Crossover. Draco meets Spike. Spike takes the absolute piss out of Draco for being such an obvious ponce.

dm_p requested: Harry/Draco, weird stuff sold on eBay.

neotoma requested: Luke, Obi-Wan, or Qui-Gon. gen. "It might be Bunnies!"

bethbethbeth requested: Harry, Buffy, and Luke: considering whether they should go on strike.

dustbunnies710 requested: BtVS, Spike/Xander. Cracktastic plot: Warren went crazy with the robot making

Categories: Buffy the Vampire Slayer - Angel (Series), Star Wars, Harry Potter Characters: Buffy Summers, Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Qui-Gon Jinn, Spike, Warren, Xander
Series: None
Chapters: 5 Completed: Yes Word count: 1862 Read: 141932 Published: 08/12/2007 Updated: 08/12/2007
Spikebot/Xanderbot + Warren for Dustbunnies710 by Emma Grant
Author's Notes:
dustbunnies710 requested: BtVS, Spike/Xander. Cracktastic plot: Warren went crazy with the robot making
"Dance, my puppets, dance!" Warren cried, throwing his arms up in a Very Dramatic Fashion. Xanderbot and Spikebot turned to stare at him, blank looks on their faces. "No, I meant... continue with what you were doing. Got to work on those logic routines..."

Spikebot turned back to Xanderbot with a semi-evil sneer on his face. "For such a complete and utter wanker, you are rather attractive, I have to admit."

Xanderbot's smile was coy. "So I've been told. By many a vampire, I should add." At Spikebot's look of surprise, he added, "Well, not so many, you know. Many for me. You know, four, three... two. Well, just you, really. Unless you count that one time with Angel, but I don't because--"

"Get the fuck on with it!" Warren groaned. Xanderbot was a little too realistic for his taste. He'd work on it in the morning, but for now, this would have to do. He unfastened his jeans and pulled his dick out, which was already getting hard with anticipation.

The bots spared him a quick glance before turning back to each other.

"So you shagged Angel, then?" Spikebot asked, shoving his hands in his pockets. "What was it like?"

Xanderbot blushed. "Well, I wouldn't say shag, cause, you know, I'm not all hip and British like you pretend to be. Wait, does shagging imply intercourse?"

Spikebot pursed his lips. "Technically? I'm not sure. I've always assumed it did, but maybe it doesn't have to do. Should I use a different word in this context?"

"If you would, kind sir."

"Right then. Did you fuck him?"

"No, of course not." Xanderbot replied with a snort. "Does Angel strike you as a bottom?"

Spikebot rolled his eyes. "Fine, did he fuck you?"

Xanderbot laughed. "No. Wait -- do blow jobs count?"

"Count as what?"

"As fucking? Like, if I gave Angel a blow job, hypothetically of course, does that count as him fucking me?"

Spikebot looked confused. "I'm not sure. It qualifies as penetration, but if it's in the mouth, is it a fuck?"

"It involves insertion of the penis in an orifice, right? I think that's technically fucking. Though most people associate fucking with a particular couple of orifices."

"One of which you happen to have," Spikebot said, leaning in for a kiss.

"No, don't stop! Not yet!"

They both turned to stare quizzically at Warren, who was stroking his dick fast and hard.

"Oh, yeah..." Warren groaned, "Just like that... keep talking dirty!"

"Um, all right," Xanderbot said. "So, orifices."

"Yeah," Spikebot replied, still watching Warren's blur of a hand. "And penises."

"Penii," Xanderbot corrected.

And with that, Warren came.
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