Obi-Wan sank to his knees in the cool darkness of his adobe hut, and reached out to the Force for guidance.
"Master Qui-Gon, I need your help."
He waited several moments, and finally a blue-tinted vision appeared before him. "What is it now, Obi-Wan? I was busy playing holo-chess with Mace Windu, and he cheats when I have to materialize to this plane of existence for more than a minute."
"I am sorry, Master, but it's of grave importance. It's about Anakin's son, Luke."
Qui-Gon's brow furrowed. "Is something wrong?"
Obi-Wan was sure the pain was visible on his face. "Yes, Master. It's... how do I put this? He's a bit of a... wuss."
"A wuss?" Qui-Gon blinked at him. "Obi-Wan, I'm afraid I don't follow you."
"He's just not Jedi material. Anakin's son he may be, but this is not the Chosen One who'll bring balance to the Force, I can assure you."
"Padawan, I think your failure with the father is clouding your judgment of the son."
"No, it isn't. Luke whines constantly, about everything. He's overly concerned about what his friends think of him, and whether his hair is feathered just right, and lives in deathly fear of getting his white tunics dirty."
Qui-Gon frowned. "Would he be open to wearing black? It was rather fetching on his father."
Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. "In this heat? You haven't been to Tattooine in a while, have you? Anyway, I've tried to convince him to wear khaki, or something darker, but no. He has those knee-high white boots that match, so you know, he won't give up the white."
Qui-Gon sighed. "Obi-Wan, it isn't impossible for a good Jedi to have some fashion sense."
"He screams at the sight of bugs. He sleeps with a night light and a teddy bear. He's afraid of bunnies, Qui!"
"They can be vicious."
"You're not going to help me out here, are you?"
"You made your own bed with all of this Anakin shit, you know. Now you have to lie in it."
Obi-Wan swallowed a grimace. "What if I were to travel to Alderaan, to train the girl instead?"
"Out of the question."
"That's a bit sexist, don't you think? She could be the one in the Prophecy. There have been many great female--"
Qui-Gon snorted. "Don't think I don't know your true motive, my aging Padawan. Senator Bail Organa was quite the hottie in his day, and I'm sure there'd be fringe benefits to tutoring his little princess in the ways of the Force."
Obi-Wan blushed, and wondered how Qui-Gon knew about that particular fantasy. "Master, no! I feel the Force pulling me towards Alderaan."
"It's the pull of something in your trousers you're thinking of," Qui-Gon retorted. "I'm sure Tattooine sucks and all, but this is the will of the Force. Deal with it." And with that, his image faded away.
Obi-Wan gritted his teeth. "Bastard."
Author's Chapter Notes:
neotoma requested: Luke, Obi-Wan, or Qui-Gon. gen. "It might be Bunnies!"