Contagious
by Helens

Rating: NC-17
Category: Siri/Obi, First time
Summary: After a long, tiring mission involving fertility rituals, Siri's frustration becomes contagious.
Disclaimer: Lucas and Watson.
Feedback: Yes, please!
Note: Notes: Thanks to Emma and the LJ crew for all the help!  This one has been around a while.  It has now been dusted and buffed lightly.  Hope it works!

1. Firstday afternoon

This is not like her.  Something's been troubling Siri since we left Rodash IV.

It had been a tiring mission -- particularly so for Siri -- and Obi-Wan Kenobi would not have been surprised to see his fellow knight Siri Tachi on edge.  Instead, she had gone silent, not speaking more than six words to him since they'd gotten on the transport headed for Coruscant.

About half of him appreciated not being teased, snapped at, or prodded into making small talk every five minutes.  The rest of him was divided into equal parts suspicion, worry, and curiosity.

His role in the ceremonies on Rodash IV had been nominal.  Siri's had not.   She'd been expected to assist the viceroy of Rodash IV in a variety of rituals, most of which Obi-Wan didn't want to think about.  This was an assignment she'd volunteered for, after having been on a similar mission the year before.  Last year she'd been given Obi-Wan's role, mostly there to observe and aid the other Jedi with anything she might need.  She must have known what she was getting into.  It didn't seem to bother her.

Obi-Wan hadn't quite figured out why it bothered him so much.  He suspected part of it was due to his years of celibacy, something that had made him feel out of place on a mission devoted to... well, mating.  The population of Rodash IV had an annual fertility cycle.  In the spring, they chose mates and joined, and in the fall their offspring was born.  Their population had a large number of Force-sensitives -- rarely anyone strong enough in the Force to be considered for Jedi training, but enough that an appearance by a pair of Jedi every year was deeply meaningful to them.  To the Rodashese, the participation of the Jedi was a symbol of the connection between the people of Rodash IV and the Force itself.

Siri had explained most of this to him on the transport to Rodash IV.  They'd gone on this mission alone, since the nature of the ceremonies seemed inappropriate for their teenaged padawans.  She had never gotten around to explaining why the Council had chosen him to accompany her.  He hadn't pressed the issue, but he was curious.  Surely someone else had been better suited to the job.

Curiosity and worry finally prompted him to seek her out.  She'd stayed in her quarters once they'd gotten on the ship home, letting the droids and Obi-Wan handle the navigation.  That was definitely not like her.  Siri was a good pilot, and she enjoyed the job far more than Obi-Wan did.  She especially enjoyed needling Obi-Wan over his ambivalence toward spaceflight.  With your padawan, one would think you'd have learned to love flying by now, she'd said on more than one occasion.  But she'd left the ship to him.

Obi-Wan pressed the chime at the door to her quarters.  When there was no response, he frowned and pressed the chime again.  Still nothing.  He pressed the button for the intercom.  "Siri?  Are you all right?"

The door opened.  Siri was dressed in loose sleep pants and a short, sleeveless tunic, and she looked as if she'd been sleeping.  Sleeping fitfully, he thought.  She looked as if she wasn't quite awake yet, and didn't know quite where she was or what she was doing there.  Her short blonde hair was mussed and ruffled.  The short haircut was a recent change, and he wasn't sure he liked it.  It gave her a look of uncontrolled chaos, not the norm for a Jedi knight.  It suited her too well.

"What's wrong?" she managed.  Her voice was lower than usual.  She rested one shoulder against the doorframe and attempted to focus on him.  Her eyes were unable to stay on one spot, though, and ended up traveling from the deckplates to the top of his head.

Obi-Wan backed up a step.  That look was unsettling, for some reason.  He cleared his throat.  "Nothing.  I'm sorry to disturb you.  I've been wondering how you're feeling.  You haven't been out much, and I was... worried."

"That's very kind of you.  I'm fine, thank you.  Can I go back to sleep now?"

"You don't look like you've been sleeping very well.  Is there something I can do for you?"

She shook her head and raised a hand to the back of her neck, stretching.  The hemline of her tunic came up a few inches, baring a handspan of her stomach, and Obi-Wan looked away.  All the talk of mating on Rodash IV had made him take uncomfortable notice of Siri.  She was beautiful -- healthy, athletic, very comfortable in her own skin, and aware of her sex appeal.  She'd been quite forward on Rodash IV, though her attention had been focused on the viceroy.  Obi-Wan had still ended up taking several cold showers during the course of the mission, trying not to think about her like that.  He didn't want to think about how she'd smirk if she found out about the directions his thoughts had taken, particularly during the ritual in which Siri was coated with safflower oil and the viceroy had -- he stopped that thought in his tracks.  Siri wouldn't just smirk; she'd never let him live it down.  She'd often teased him for being overly conservative.  Actually, she'd been a bit less flattering than that.  Her exact phrase had been "a conservative, obedient prude."  Unfortunately, he couldn't object.  He'd been serving as focus and conscience to some of the Order's more unconventional Jedi most of his life -- first Qui-Gon Jinn, now Anakin Skywalker.  The role was as natural to him as breathing.  Her remarks might have stung, but they were accurate.

"Just let me get some rest.  I'll call for you if I need something."

Obi-Wan nodded, and Siri went back into her quarters, closing the door behind her.

2. Secondday evening

Worse and worse.  Siri hadn't left her quarters for evening meal, morning meal, or noon meal.  Obi-Wan was starting to feel tense, even a little anxious, and he knew the feelings weren't his -- Siri was projecting them.  Enough was enough.  He fixed up a tray of prepackaged food and went back to her quarters.

She didn't answer, and he pressed the intercom.  "Let me in," he said.

Her voice snapped back at him.  "Get out of here, Kenobi."

"You have to eat something."

"Trust me, I'm better off staying where I am."

Obi-Wan put the tray on the floor.  "Are you trying to make me worry about you?"

"Don't flatter yourself.  This has nothing to do with you."

Obi-Wan frowned.  Flatter myself?  What does -that- mean? he wondered.  "Will you at least open the door?"

There was a long pause.  The door slid open.  Siri was flushed, and her hair was tousled.  Her skin was glowing -- she was covered with a light sheen of sweat.  Her eyes were still slightly unfocused.  She crossed her arms over her chest.

"Don't stare."

"I'm -- I'm not."  He was, of course.  She looked like... well, she'd looked like this often on Rodash IV.  Then again, she looked a great deal like this after doing the katas for releasing tension.  And she looked like this when she'd been practicing with her lightsaber.  But there was no way she'd been doing either of those things in her quarters -- there simply wasn't room.  And that left...

He stopped himself before he could wonder what, precisely, she'd been doing for the last twenty-four hours.  He really didn't need to know.

"You don't need to worry about me," she told him.

"I'm good at worrying."  He offered her a smile.

She turned away from him, and her eyes closed.  He frowned and reached out to her, fingertips grazing her neck as he reached for her shoulder.

She jumped back.  "Don't," she hissed, putting a hand to her neck.  She winced and rubbed at her skin, as if he'd burned her.

Obi-Wan stepped back and folded his hands into the sleeves of his robes.  "I'm sorry," he stammered.  "I didn't mean to... what did I do?"

"You have to go.  Get out of here."  She hugged her arms to her chest.  "Please."

"Will you at least tell me what's wrong?"

Siri laughed for a second, then bit her lower lip and shook her head.  "I'm sorry.  It's not your fault.  It's the mission.  There are some... side effects... for the one who acts as assistant to the viceroy."

"That really happens?" he blurted out.  She glared at him.  He stammered, "I always assumed that was a myth."

"I'm afraid not."

"Are you going to be... ill?"

She shook her head.  "No, not... well, yes, I suppose.  But it'll pass."

"Can I do anything for you?"

"Don't ask."

"I have to ask."  He was growing more agitated just being around her.  Her tension was bleeding into the air.  "You're broadcasting, and it's affecting me."

She paled.  "Fuck.  Oh, I'm so sorry."

"It's all right, but I wish you'd let me help you instead of... whatever it is you're doing."  He sighed.  "Is this going to get worse?"

"It might."  She paused.  "Probably."

"Is there anything I can do?" The wide-eyed look on her face made him wince and take a half-step back.  "I don't mean -- I only mean that we're going to be on this ship for another six days, so it could get rather uncomfortable in here.  I'm not trying to make any offers you wouldn't want."

She grinned at him.  "Always tactful, aren't you?  I apologize for the discomfort, Obi-Wan.  I'll try to do better with my shielding."

"Thank you."  He looked down at the floor and gestured at the tray.  "And try to eat something, would you?"

"I'll try.  Thank you."

3. Fourthday evening

He was having trouble sleeping.

He'd tried not to think about what she'd been doing in her quarters, tried not to think about how she'd been flushed and distracted and had that look about her, and had definitely tried not to think about the fact that while he was trying to sleep and meditate, she was trying to relieve some of the sexual tension she'd picked up on Rodash IV, but he couldn't ignore it now.  He was starting to ache.

Her shielding was unacceptably bad tonight.  If they'd been on Coruscant, she would have woken up half the Temple.  He supposed it was just as well that it was only the two of them on the ship; he could take a cold shower, and...

...no, he couldn't.  Sonics only.  He groaned in frustration.  At first all he'd felt was her tension, and a slight sense of unidentifiable anxiety.  At this point, the anxiety was easily identifiable.  She was aroused, and frustrated, and unable to do anything about it.  She'd been trying.

This was not a completely unfamiliar sensation.  His padawan years had been full of sexual frustration, particularly late in his apprenticeship.  He'd developed meditation techniques that let him sleep off most of it.  He just hadn't had any reason to practice them lately.

He sighed.  Meditation techniques were all well and good, but there was something to be said for the old-fashioned method.  He shielded and slid his hand under the covers, untying the drawstring on his thin sleep pants and reaching between his legs.  He let out a sigh of relief as he started stroking himself.  This wasn't going to take long--

His door chimed.  He cursed and threw his free arm over his eyes.  "Just a moment, please," he muttered.  The door chimed again.  Oh, this was too much.

He pulled his hand out of his sleep pants and threw the covers aside.  He padded to the door and opened it.  Siri was standing in the doorway, arms crossed over her chest again.

"You really have to learn to shield better," he snapped.

"So do you," she shot back.  "I can't sleep."

"I'm not doing much better."

Her eyes dropped to his crotch, and she squeezed her eyes shut and rubbed at them with her fingers.  "Can't you do something about..." She gestured vaguely toward his erection, eyes still closed.  "...that?"

"I was trying."

"Oh, for pity's sake.  You're male.  How long can it take?"

"Shall I fetch you a chronometer so you can stand here and time me?"  He stopped abruptly and shook his head.  "This is ridiculous.  I shouldn't be snapping at you this way."

"It isn't your fault.  It's mine."

"It's probably not your fault, either.  You're not... well."

"No, but don't let me off the hook so easily.  I've done this before, remember?"

Obi-Wan's mouth opened and closed a few times before he could stammer, "But... with Master Kayro...?"

"It was an extremely unpleasant trip home."  Her expression was quite chagrined now.  "That's why when I volunteered to lead this assignment, I requested you."

Obi-Wan made a small choking noise.  "I beg your pardon?"

"Well, you've been celibate for how many years now?  I figured it must not matter that much, or you'd..." Her voice trailed off.  "Well, I figured it wouldn't affect you as badly as it would someone who'd been sexually active for the last several years."

He was trying to decide whether to feel complimented, insulted, or sorry for her.  Sympathy won out.  "I suppose your experience in my place was particularly unsettling, then?"

"I was about ready to rip her throat out with my teeth by the time we got back to Coruscant.  It took me a week to fuck the frustration out of my system when we got back."  She blushed crimson.  "Maybe we'd better not talk about that."

"That's probably wise," he said.  What did she -do- during that week? he wondered, then tried to push the thought out of his mind.  "And I appreciate the confidence you had in me, but I'm afraid it was slightly misplaced.  I don't intend to rip your throat out with my teeth, but..."  He stopped, and his coloring matched hers.  "Maybe we'd better not talk about that, either."

"Yes," she said, voice faint.  "Not talking sounds good."

Obi-Wan took a quick step back.  "Try to get some... sleep.  Or something."

"Something," Siri agreed, taking a step back herself.  "I'm sorry."

Obi-Wan closed the door, and stumbled back into bed.  He sighed and reinforced his shields before finishing what he'd started before Siri had interrupted him.

+ + +

Once had not done the job.  In fact, he was feeling worse than when he'd started, and his head was starting to pound.  At least Siri had been doing better with her shields...

...fuck.  Until now.  He stood up and walked out of his quarters, still wearing only sleep pants, and slammed his hand against the button for the door chime.

Her door slid open.  "What the fuck do you want?" she asked.  Her eyes flashed.  "I'm shielding as well as I can.  Would you please go away?"

"This isn't working."

"No, it's not."

"Did you know it wasn't going to work?"

"It didn't get this bad last time.  I meditated a lot and masturbated more and then we landed.  Master Kayro stayed in her quarters the entire time, and I knew better than to go knocking on her door."

"Well, we have four days to go.  What do you propose we do?"

She threw her hands up.  "I give up.  You tell me."

"Me?!" Obi-Wan scoffed.  "I'm not the experienced one in this situation, remember?  I can't focus well enough to meditate, and masturbating as much as you do isn't an option.  You'll have to think of something better than that."

"I could knock you unconscious."

"Without causing serious injury?"

"Probably not."

"Keep trying."

"I could suck you off."  She looked as if she wanted the deck to swallow her whole.  He'd never seen her look so embarrassed.  "I didn't mean that."

"I think you might have."  And oh, Force, he was tempted.  It had been a long time, and as if he hadn't been hard enough to begin with... He shook his head, trying to come up with a reason not to take her up on it.  "Are you going to take it back?"

"I, uh..."  She scratched the back of her neck.  "But you don't..."

He rolled his eyes.  "Celibacy is starting to sound highly overrated."

Siri's expression was unreadable.  "You don't mean that.  And we both know it.  Get out of here, Kenobi."

Obi-Wan sighed.  "As you wish.  But if you decide the offer's still open, you know where to find me."

He turned around and went back into his quarters.  Siri stepped back into her room and let the door close behind her.  She turned to the door and sighed heavily, and rested her forehead on the wall beside the door.  Then took a slight step back and let her forehead slam gently into the wall.

Thunk.  Thunk.  Thunk.

+ + +

Obi-Wan was wide awake, and knew he wasn't going to be getting to sleep any time soon.  He was lying flat on his back, legs spread slightly, arms crossed behind his head, and he'd pulled the sheet up to his chest, despite the rather comical tenting effect this produced.  He sighed.  He'd tried counting nerfs, had tried counting backwards by sevens from 5000, but at this point... at this point, he was ready to climb the walls.

I could suck you off.

That really wasn't helping.  Remembering how chagrined she'd looked when she'd said it wasn't helping.  Remembering that she hadn't actually said she took it back wasn't helping.  No, she'd backed out of it because she was convinced he wasn't interested.

He was interested.  He might never have said so, had the circumstances been different, but circumstances were not different.  The reality was...

The reality is that I'm so aroused it hurts, and I do want her to... fuck, at this point, I don't care anymore.

He dropped his shields, closed his eyes, and let his fantasies run away with him.  Warm lips, fastened to mine, softness, curves, strong hands threading fingers through mine and pinning me down to the mattress.  Slick folds of skin rubbing against me, wetness surrounding me, oh fuck, and she won't let me go, pinned down, need, harder, more...

The door slid open.  Obi-Wan left his eyes closed, but he could hear the soft padding of footsteps across the floor.  He felt the feather-light whisper of the sheet being pulled away, the gentle pressure of weight on the mattress between his legs.  He felt soft, warm breath gliding over his cock, and he let his hips move, thrusting up...

...and then she was on him, her lips sucking him in, taking him into her mouth.  She was silent, and he gasped in the darkness, trying not to move too quickly, not wanting to distract her, disturb her, not wanting this to end.

She was good at this, he realized dimly, and he bit down on his lower lip to stifle a moan as she cupped his balls in one hand.  She slid her mouth back up the length of his cock, lips resting just under the head, tongue flicking over the sensitive spot there, and her other hand reached for him, grasped him, began moving up and down on him while she kept sucking, kept flicking her tongue over that spot under the head, and Force, it was good.

He could feel how close he was, could sense that another few strokes would push him over the edge.  More, he could sense her drawing closer to her own climax, Force, just from this?  just from her mouth on me?  He groaned, remembering the last time he'd come just from giving head, and she moaned, vibrations making her tongue and lips buzz around him... too much, and he was coming for her, coming in her mouth, making her moan around him while she waited, stopped, let him pulse for her and let him hold still and recover.

Should I say something? he wondered.  He thought so.  He rose up on his elbows, but then her mouth left him, and the sudden touch of cool air on his wet flesh made him shiver.  He opened his eyes, squinting in the darkness.

She was already out the door, only a fading sliver of light left to mark her exit.

Obi-Wan dropped back on his pillow.  He could still feel her, could still feel her mouth on him... could still feel the brush of her consciousness against his from when he'd dropped his shields, and she'd loosened hers to meet him.  He brushed his mind against that weak spot in her shielding, and sent, //That couldn't possibly have helped you.//

//...//

//Let me help you.//

No response.  He sat up, having to wait a moment until the dizziness wore off, and went across the hall to her room.  He knocked on the door.

//Let me in.//

//The door's open.//

He tried it, and it opened for him.  He found her curled on her side in bed, facing away from him.  Her right arm was tucked under her pillow, and her left arm rested on her side, marking the curve of her body from waist to hip.  He climbed into bed behind her, and felt her tense.

"I want to be here," he murmured.  "Why are you trying to brush me off?"

"It's not fair to you.  You don't have a choice."

"I've withstood worse than this," he teased, thinking back to the last few years of his apprenticeship.  "Much worse.  Trust me.  It's all right."

She laughed, just a bit, and sighed.  "I didn't intend for things to be this way."

"I imagine not.  Surely you intended me to reciprocate?"

He reached up to graze his fingers along her neck, tracing the curve from jaw to shoulder.  She tensed, hard, and her hand curled into a fist.  "Stop," she whispered.

"Stop?"  He ran his fingertips along her neck again, slower.  She stretched out, arching her back, and let out a long, low, shuddering moan.  "Are you sure you want me to stop?"

"...oh, Force.  Obi-Wan..."

One more time, this time letting his fingers dance along her neck, tickling, teasing, and going down over her shoulder when he reached the base of her neck.  Siri squirmed back against him, and her breathing was ragged.  Obi-Wan pressed the length of his body against hers, and traced that slow, dancing path over her neck one more time.

She arched, head thrown back, crying out, and then he felt it in the air around them -- the release, the desperation giving way to fulfillment, the frustration finally easing off just for a moment as she cried out and came for him, her entire body shaking as her cry faded into ragged, almost-sobbing breaths.

Obi-Wan's eyes were wide, and he shifted against her, his cock getting hard again -- Force, I haven't been able to get hard again this fast since I was twenty-three -- just from the sound of it, from the sound of her breathing, now, in the darkness.  He took her hand, and she slid her fingers through his.  "I didn't know that was possible," he grinned.

She let out an affirmative moan and ground her hips back against his.  "You'd be amazed what can happen if you're with a woman who's been aroused beyond words for the last several days."

"Do you feel any better?"

"It's a start."

He laughed and pressed a kiss to her shoulder.  She sighed.  "More?" he asked.

"Are you sure about this?"

"Relax.  Yes, I'm sure."

"Then... yes, Force, more, please."

He kissed her shoulder again.  "Like that?"

"Mmm."

Another kiss, this one to the top of her shoulder, drawing closer to the side of her neck.  Her moan was a little more insistent this time, and she rubbed up against him again.  He drew his hand away from hers and slipped his fingertips underneath the waistband of her sleep pants.  "Why don't we take these off you?"

"Mmm... no, later.  More kissing first."

"Greedy."  But his voice was teasing, and he pressed another kiss to her shoulder, now at the base of her neck.  "Like that?"

"Higher."

He moved up and drew his beard lightly across the skin of her neck, from shoulder to jaw this time, ending with a kiss on her earlobe.  She gasped and squirmed against him.  "Oh, fuck... do you know how good that feels?"

Well...  "Show me."

She sighed into him, and his hand slid around her waist until he could reach the drawstrings and untie them.  He slipped his hand into her sleep pants while he ran his beard over her neck, leaving tiny kisses across her skin and making her gasp and pant for him.  He slid his hand between her legs, and pressed up against her from behind while rubbing with small circular motions.  It didn't take much, didn't take long at all, and she was gasping for him again, crying out with that same sense of relief he'd felt from her the first time.  He laughed and slid his hand out of her sleep pants.

"How about now?  Are you ready to slide out of these now?"

Another affirmative moan.  He smiled and let her turn on her back, then helped her out of her sleep pants and tunic.  She stretched her arms out over her head and arched her back, and her smile was so broad it was almost comical.  Her skin was flushed a lovely rose color, in a slightly mottled pattern that spread over her face, down her neck, and over the top of her chest.  He blinked at her, and when she opened her eyes, she laughed at him.

"What does that mean?" he asked.

"It means you look like you have no idea what to do next," she grinned.  "Do you?"

He opened his mouth, then closed it again.  "I can't say I haven't fantasized about it."

She laughed.  "That's good, at least."

"But no, now that you mention it.  I don't know what to do next."  He gave her a slightly sheepish look.  "I'm not entirely sure what I've done so far.  I've never been with..."

"Oh.  Well."  She cleared her throat.  "You're doing fine.  You're not going to be angry with me later?"

"No."  He leaned forward, covering her body with his, and kissed her on the forehead.  "We'll have to talk, after..."

"...after."  She wrapped her arms around his neck and shifted her hips under him.  "Oh, how convenient.  You're still not dressed."

"It seemed... I wouldn't... need to be."  He dropped his head into the curve that joined her neck to her shoulder.  He could feel his cock nudging against her slit, and let out a soft moan.  "Force, you're so wet."

She laughed.  "That's how it works, under normal circumstances.  Come here."

She tilted her hips up, and then pressed forward.  He gasped, and she closed her eyes, biting her lower lip and waiting for him to slide forward and press all the way into her.  His expression tightened as he entered her, very slowly, almost carefully.  "Force," he moaned.

"Good?" she murmured.

"Very."

"Tell me how it feels."

"I don't even know where to start," he said, trying not to gasp too much.  "So wet, so incredibly wet, and hot and slick and, oh, Force..."

Siri let out a breath, and drew her legs up and around his hips.  The angle changed slightly.  Obi-Wan's groan was muffled against her shoulder.  Siri laughed and tightened her arms and legs, shifting against him and feeling him press that much deeper into her.

"Oh, that's much better.  Much, much better."  She sighed contentedly, then laughed again.  "And you?"

//Can't talk just now.//

//Feels good, though?//

//Going to die.  Or pass out.  Probably both.//

She smirked, and he felt the movement of her cheek against his.  //Just hold on,// she sent.

//Trying.//

Siri closed her eyes and squeezed.  Obi-Wan arched, eyes squeezed shut, gasping.

//Hold on.  Don't come yet.//

//OhForceOhForceOhForce...//

She grinned and squeezed again, clutching at his cock.  Obi-Wan gritted his teeth.

//Five thousand, four thousand ninety-three, four thousand eighty-six...//

Again.  She was starting to breathe faster, and her body was starting to feel like it was glowing all over.

//...four thousand seventy-nine, four thousand seventy-two...//

Again.

//...ohForceohForceohForce...//

She tightened her arms and started rocking under him.  //Not yet,// she sent.

//...ohpleaseForcepleasepleaseForceohForce...//

//"Four thousand sixty-five...?"//

He could hear the smirk in her thoughts.  He laughed quietly.  //Dying.  Going to die.  One with the Force.  Any minute now.//

She could feel it, could feel how close she was now.  Another few seconds.  His angle was perfect, his pelvis was pressing directly into her clit, she was clenching him in a slow, steady rhythm... //All right, now.//

He braced himself on his elbows and moved, going deeper, sliding in and out of her, moving faster until he heard her cry out, until she was squeezing him with arms and legs and inside, oh Force, that was... he squeezed his eyes shut and fell against her, panting, feeling the sweat trickling down the center of his spine.  One of her hands traced a line down his back.  He sank into her, unable to do much more than breathe, and forgetting a breath here and there a few times.

"You're not dead," she said.  Her voice was muffled.  He shifted, moving his shoulder off her mouth.  He could feel the smile on her face.

"I'm not sure about that.  I think I could be one with the Force now."

"Then those who are one with the Force are really heavy.  Roll over."

She nudged him over to her side, earning a grimace and a gasp as he slipped out of her.  He fell in an undignified heap next to her.  She stretched out in one long line, arms moving above her head and legs extended through pointed toes.  Mmmmmm.  Better.

"You're purring," he mumbled.  His eyes were closed.

"I feel like purring."  She rolled over and swept the hair back from his forehead.  "Do you mind if I ask something?"

"You could ask me to push myself out an airlock right now and I might say yes.  Be kind."  Her laugh made him open his eyes and squint at her.  "Don't get any ideas."

"No, I'm serious.  No joking about airlocks."

"Good." His eyes closed again.  "Ask away."

"Would you ever have shown any interest in me if it weren't for the -- well, the leftover need from Rodash IV?"

"Shown it?  No, I doubt it."  She was clearly waiting for him to continue, so he sighed and blinked his eyes open again.  "Siri, sex is a distraction I haven't wanted to deal with in a long time.  I have responsibilities.  I have duty."

"Yes, I understand that."

"But I have thought about you this way."

She ran her fingers through the hair at his temple, brushing it back over his ear.  "I'm glad."

"You would be."  He smirked.  "You never could stand the idea that anyone was immune to you."

She opened her mouth to deny it, then stopped.  "You're not wrong.  That's not what I meant, though."

"Oh?"

"It was very unfair of me to put you in this position.  If I'd realized it was going to be harder to stay away from each other..."

"...pun not intended, I hope..."

"...I would have requested someone else."  She hesitated.  "Actually, I'm not sure I would have, but I would have warned you first."

He frowned.  "What does that mean?"

She sighed.  "I trust you.  You're my friend.  I care about you.  I just want to make sure you don't feel as if I've taken advantage of that friendship."

"I said I wasn't going to be angry with you later.  I'm not angry with you, Siri.  I don't blame you for any of this.  And you had good reason to think this wasn't going to be a problem.  Even I thought I was slack, you know."  He grinned.  "I'm beginning to see the appeal."

She laughed.  "Well, I'm honored, Kenobi."

He leaned forward and kissed the tip of her nose.  "You ought to be.  I'm going to shower.  Maybe you'd like to do this again in a bit?"

Siri raised an eyebrow.  "I will if you can."

"I feel like I'm sixteen again."  He winked.  "I'll let you know when I'm all fucked out."

She goggled at him as he walked off to the fresher.  She could feel him smirking, even if she couldn't see it.  //Don't get too cocky,// she thought.

//Can't help it just now.//

Siri groaned.  She'd asked for that one.

4. Fifthday morning

//Siri?  Can you move?//

//No.//

//Fuck.  I was hoping one of us would have the energy to get breakfast.//

Siri laughed and draped herself over Obi-Wan.  "You're hungry for food?" she asked, trailing her fingers down his cheek and over his beard.  His eyes were closed, but he hummed softly at the feel of her touching him.  He smiled.

//Food, yes.  Must keep up strength.  Almost four days to go.  Can't have either of us dropping off from exhaustion.//

"No, that would be a terrible thing.  And I'm hungry, too."  She hauled herself up onto her knees and straddled him, dropping her head to his chest and leaving kisses down the center of his torso.

//Oh, hungry.  Yes, that's a wonderful thought.  We don't have to go anywhere after all.//  Obi-Wan sighed and stretched his arms above his head.

As Siri rubbed her face into the hair on Obi-Wan's stomach, she was met with a loud growl.  She reared back.  "I think your stomach just demanded food."

//Just a stomach.  Don't listen.//

"It said 'Oah glooooob.'  That's Huttese for 'Feed me or die.'"

Obi-Wan pushed up on his elbows and blinked at Siri a few times.  "I thought the Huttese for 'Feed me or die' was something like 'May chass-see wompa toy datha.'"

Siri grinned.  "Come on, Kenobi.  Let's shower and get some food."

Siri helped Obi-Wan out of bed, and they took turns in the sonic shower.  Siri found another set of sleep garments and tugged them on before leaving the room.  Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow at her.  "Don't tell me you're developing a sense of modesty now.  After the way you walked around half-naked on Rodash IV...?"

"It's not modesty, it's insulation.  The chairs in the mess hall are durasteel."

Obi-Wan's eyebrow lowered.  "Stay right here.  I'll be back in a moment."

Siri laughed at him as he went back into his own room to get sleep pants.  She leaned back against the wall and yawned into her hands, then ran her fingers through her hair.  He's better than I expected, really.

//I heard that.//  The door slid open, and Obi-Wan came out, wearing sleep pants and an amused expression.  "Not bad for an out-of-practice slacker?"

Siri winced as she pushed herself away from the wall.  "I didn't mean it like that."

"I know."  Obi-Wan wrapped an arm around her shoulders and hugged her.  "Let's get some food, shall we?"

The ship was stocked with a variety of prepackaged foods, and the mess hall was less a hall than a room, but it was still good to sit down across a table from each other and do something relatively normal.  Obi-Wan thought the urge to have sex might be wearing... off...

...except... her tongue was very pink.  And it was darting out of her lips to get tiny tastes of yogurt from her spoon, relatively quickly.  And it was so easy to imagine how it would feel if her tongue were making those tiny little movements on his nipples, or his cock, or anywhere, really, and, Force, it was distracting.  He cleared his throat.

"Do you have to lick the yogurt off your spoon quite like that?"

Siri stopped mid-lick, the point of her tongue still touching the back of her spoon.  She blinked at him.  "Like what?" she asked.

He shook his head.  "Never mind."

His oatmeal was absolutely fascinating today, he decided.  He stirred it a little with his spoon and watched the spiral patterns show up and then slowly smooth out.  Definitely fascinating.  Better to keep his eyes on the oatmeal and not to think about what they'd done in the last ten hours, or what they might do in the next ten.  He really ought to finish eating.

"Obi-Wan?"

Obi-Wan looked up again.  Her lips were slightly parted, very pink, and she rubbed the tip of her tongue along her lower lip, grinning at him slightly.  He groaned and went back to staring at his oatmeal.  He heard the click of Siri's spoon dropping onto the tray, and heard the tray scraping across the table as Siri cleared a space so she could lean forward and brush the hair out of his eyes.  "Obi-Wan?  Are you feeling all right?"

It was going to be a pain cleaning oatmeal off the walls, but he'd worry about that later.  Siri shrieked as her back hit the cold metal of the table, and Obi-Wan yanked her sleep pants down her legs.  "Breakfast later," he informed her.  "Sex now."

She laughed at him and wrapped her legs around his waist.  "I can't tell how much of this is because of Rodash IV and how much of it is making up for eight years of celibacy..."

"Eight years...?" Obi-Wan frowned at her, the clouded look in his eyes clearing a bit.  "It's been five years."

"Since Padawan Rutarn?"  Siri frowned back.  "I thought you swore an oath to celibacy after Rutarn.  That was eight years ago."

"Can we talk about this some other time?"  Obi-Wan leaned forward to kiss her.  "Maybe I'm just enjoying your company.  Maybe it doesn't have anything to do with Rodash IV or how long it's been since I've been intimate with anyone."

"But..."

Obi-Wan slid down her chest, pushing her shirt up over her bare stomach and rubbing his beard over her skin.  She gasped, the three-year gap in her knowledge of Obi-Wan's affairs forgotten (and why are you so curious about that three-year gap, anyway? she griped at herself) as Obi-Wan dropped his head between her legs and... paused.  Siri pushed herself up onto her hands, then balanced on one and swept his hair out of his eyes.

"Need a hint?" she grinned broadly.

"If you wouldn't mind."

She laughed, grinning.  "Mind?  Force, no.  I wish more men would ask for a hint instead of assuming they know what they're doing."

"It's fairly uncomplicated with us."  Obi-Wan reached out with a finger and traced it over the crease of her thigh from her hip to where she rested on the table.  "You have all these folds and..."  He smiled.  "It's actually rather fascinating.  And you smell good.  Like sex and sweat and... I can certainly see the appeal of this, anyway."

Her breath was coming a little faster now.  "So you'd like to try this?"

"Yes.  Tell me what to do."

She lowered herself back onto her elbows.  "As long as you won't complain about my being too bossy."

"Boss away, Knight Tachi."

You asked for it, she thought, grinning more than a little.  "All right.  Start by using the flat of your tongue to lick the insides of my thighs.  Slowly."  Obi-Wan followed her instructions, and she shivered, closing her eyes.  "That's good... oh, that's very good.  Just keep doing that for a while.  Don't speed up."  He kept licking her inner thighs, starting with long, slow licks up from where her thigh met her ass and going up almost all the way to her hip.  She grinned, and on his next lick said, "You don't have to go that far.  Just up until..."  She reached down with one hand and drew an imaginary line across her mons about an inch above her clitoris.  "Up to about that level."

"Mmm." Obi-Wan adjusted the slow strokes of his tongue.  //Better?//

"You were doing fine before, really.  I just wanted something a little more focused."

His tongue darted to the left on his next stroke up, dipping into her opening, and she gasped.  //I could focus there...//

"No, not yet," she panted.  "Move in a little closer, though.  Over the folds of my labia..." His next few strokes made her shiver, and she felt the electric shock of it passing directly into her clitors.  She gasped.  "Oh, that's good.  That's very good.  Just... keep doing that."

//This is different,// Obi-Wan observed, grinning mentally.  //I could keep this up for hours.//

"That's... oh, Force... the whole... point.  Oh, yes.  Just like that.  Perfect.  Maybe just a little more pressure...?"

He obliged.  //How's that?//

"Fuck, that's good."  She let out a slow breath.  "If you wouldn't mind... just doing that for a while...?"

//Not at all,// Obi-Wan thought.  There was a cheerful rakish note in his thoughts now.  //You're getting much wetter, you know.//

"That's because you're making me feel very good."

//Terrific.//

"But have I mentioned that you're very chatty for someone giving a lickjob?"

//Replace "lickjob" with "blowjob," and it's nothing I haven't heard before.//  He changed directions mid-stroke and began licking a little faster.  //And it was your idea to talk me through this, after all.//

"That it was," she laughed.  "All right, now... point your tongue a bit and slide the tip of it into my opening... gently, though."

Words turned quickly into actions.  Obi-Wan moved his tongue back and forth in her, just dipping into her a little with each stroke.  Siri's head dropped backwards, and she bit her lower lip.

//Should I keep doing this for a while?//

//No... nudge upwards with your tongue as it slides out of me.  Just a little... all right, stop there.  Move your tongue up and down, keep your tongue firm, just like that... oh, Force.//

He moved, exactly as directed, for several strokes, but then let his tongue go loose and licked gently up from the bottom of her opening to just slightly further than she'd asked him to go before.  She came forward, rocking up onto her hands, panting.

//Good, I hope?//

"Are you quite sure you've never done this before?"

//Not with this particular orifice, no.//

She laughed, but her laughs were turning into moans as he began sliding up her slit, tongue gone quite soft as he finally reached her clitoris.  She gasped, bending forward, hands threading through his hair to stop him as soon as he reached it.  //Put your lips around it and suck.  Don't use your tongue.  Just suck.  Start gently.  Oh, yes... oh, perfect, yes.  Just like that.  Slide your lips off it and then start over...//  The gentle suction made her dizzy, dizzy enough to let go of his head and fall back onto her hands.  //Good, that's so good... that's wonderful.//

"Mmmm..."

The vibrations from his humming had her leaning forward again, panting and clutching at him.  "Force!"

"Mmmm?"

"I'm getting really close.  Slide a finger into me."  He slid one finger into her vagina, and she held her breath for a second.  "You have very long fingers..." she murmured.

//Oh, not really.//

"Listen... I'm getting really close, and..." She panted as he moved his finger in and out of her, as he kept up the suction on her clit.  "When I come, I want you to keep going.  Just keep going, and get rougher as you do.  All right?"

She sensed confusion.  //Won't it hurt?//

Siri laughed.  "Just trust me, and touch me, and watch..."

She fell back on her hands and let him touch her.  He moved, still slow and gentle, at a steady, inexorable pace, and she closed her eyes, lowering herself carefully to her elbows, and then flat onto her back.  She stretched her arms above her head and gripped the end of the table.  So close, she was so close...

...there.  Oh, Force, and she was coming, eyes squeezed tight as the first orgasm hit her.  She barely had time to catch her breath before the next wave hit, and she rode it to orgasm, crying out as it broke and she spiraled out of it.  The next one was faster still, and after that it wasn't so much like waves as being caught in a hurricane, unable to find purchase anywhere, only able to hold on and try, desperately, to remember to breathe.  She lost track of time, lost track of her thoughts, where she was, of everything except his mouth on her, his fingers in her -- he was moving faster now, two fingers going in and out of her, and his tongue was painting hard, fast strokes across her clitoris.  She sat up, suddenly, breaking his contact with her.  //Stop!  Oh, Force, stop... you have to stop...//

She saw a wash of red with gold and silver sparks as his thoughts hit hers.  //Need.  Now!//

She pushed him off the end of the table, and swung her legs over the edge.  She almost fell, but managed to turn over, bending herself over the edge.  //Yes.//

He was on her, in her, his arms wrapped around her as he thrust into her.  He put his mouth on her shoulder, and she screamed as he bit her, hard enough to bruise, hard enough for the sensation to streak between her legs as she rode him as hard as he was riding her.  There were no more words shared between them, nothing so civilized as words; now it was just need and fever and desperation, flashing through them, taking them both over until both of them were seeing stars.  Obi-Wan's cry was muffled in Siri's shoulder as he came, and she moaned, leaning back into him, trying to catch her breath.

It was a long time before either of them could move.  Siri's arms started shaking, and she collapsed on the table in front of her, Obi-Wan following, bracing himself on his elbows.  He grunted as his cock slipped out of her, and then with a startled noise and a loud thud, he slipped off her back and fell backwards onto the floor.  Siri craned her head around to look at him.  She followed him, landing next to him and stretching out her limbs.

"I'm gaining a new appreciation for a great many things this trip," he panted.

"Glad to hear it."

"The floor, for example.  I never realized the floor could be so luxurious."

She poked him in the chest.  "You're not staying on the floor."

"Oh?"

"Because then I'd have to stay on the floor.  Come on.  Let's go back to bed."  She winked at him.

"You can't be serious.  There isn't a part of me that isn't tired."

"I'll try to rein in the desire to fuck you through the mattress," she snorted.  "I'll help you.  Come on."

It took several tries for her to get him off the floor, and then he had to sling an arm around her shoulders to get down the hall.  Still, the effort was worth it once they made it back to his room -- which was two meters closer -- and they both collapsed into bed.

5. Sixthday morning

Morning always seemed irrelevant on ships.  Siri woke up after a long sleep, blinking herself slowly into consciousness.  She looked around.  Obi-Wan was nowhere to be seen, and the chronometer on the wall said it was about 10th hour by Coruscant time.  She ran a hand down her neck, over the curve of one breast, over her waist, her hip, down to her thigh.  Her skin felt cooler today.  The desperation was wearing off, and she sighed a little.  Not in disappointment, exactly, but... all right.  Maybe a little disappointment.  It had been about twenty-four hours -- less time than normal.  She frowned.

She climbed out of Obi-Wan's bed and walked down the hall to her own room.  She took a quick shower and slipped into her normal daily clothes.  It felt a bit odd to be fully clothed, after the last week on the ship and the time on Rodash IV.  Still...

She found Obi-Wan on the bridge of the ship, fully clothed in his everyday Jedi garb, staring out at the stars.  She sat down in the copilot's seat and watched him for a few seconds, trying to gather the right words.  How had things gone from feeling playful and comfortable to feeling this awkward?  She cleared her throat, and Obi-Wan turned to look at her.  "What's the matter?" she asked.

He shook his head.  "I was just thinking."

"About what?"

"My oath to celibacy."

His expression was neutral, but she still felt a twinge of guilt.  She got out of her seat and stood next to him, reaching a hand out to brush the hair back from his forehead.  "Are you sorry?" she asked.

He sighed and let his eyes close as she touched him.  She ran her fingers through his hair, traced the shell of his ear with a fingertip.  "I'm not angry with you, and I don't regret my actions.  And I'm grateful."

Her eyebrows raised.  "Grateful?  For what?"

"That it was you."  He reached up and caught her hand, and his eyes opened.  "I want you to know that this meant something to me.  Apart from fulfilling a need, apart from doing either of us a favor.  You're my friend, and I care for you."

"I care for you, too, Obi-Wan." Siri frowned a bit.  "I'm not quite sure what you're trying to say, though."

"Did you know that before this trip, I'd never had sex with anyone I wasn't in love with?" He flinched.  "That came out rather badly.  I only meant--"

"It's all right."  She smiled.  "I'm not in love with you, either.  You're a good friend, and..." She smirked a bit.  "I find you very attractive."

"I appreciate it," he said, smirking back.  His expression softened, and he reached out for her, stroking his fingertips over her cheek.  "I'm beginning to wonder if I might have made a mistake, though."

That hurt.  She tried not to frown.  "Would you prefer we didn't mention this once we reach Coruscant?"

"That's not what I mean."  He looked at her, took in her confusion, smiled wryly, a hint of sympathy showing, but didn't elaborate.  "We have another two days before we land.  I was thinking about trying to meditate for a while."

"You think you finally could?" she teased.  The humor in her voice was flat, and she winced, knowing he had to have noticed.

"I think perhaps we both ought to."  He stood up, and she pulled away from him.  "Will you give me a few hours?"

"Of course."

"Thank you."  He leaned forward and kissed her cheek.  It was a sweet and very chaste kiss, and it made her frown again.  She settled back in the co-pilot's seat and sighed as she watched him go.

+ + +

He'd asked for a few hours.  Whether "a few" meant two or three, or six or seven, she didn't know.  He'd been in his room for four hours now, and she was trying not to grow worried.  She was unable to avoid being distracted.

Why does this always happen? she wondered.  Why is it that when you throw sex into a friendship, things change?  Why does it always end up being so awkward?

Was that fair, really?  Could Obi-Wan help acting awkward, after breaking an oath to celibacy and snapping an eight-year cold streak?

Five years.  He said five.  Who came after Rutarn?

Siri paced a bit.  Meditation was not one of her strongest suits, but she settled herself on the floor and closed her eyes anyway.  If he can do it, I can do it, she muttered mentally.  Her stubborn, competitive streak could be a force for good if channeled properly.  Relax.  Focus.  Breathe...

The door chimed.  Siri's eyes flew open.  "Come in," she called out.

The door opened, and Obi-Wan walked in.  "Did I interrupt you?" he asked.

Siri shook her head.  "No.  I'd only just sat down.  Do you want to talk about something?"

"Yes.  Well..."  He walked to her bed and sat down on the edge of it.  "No, not really.  I've given it some thought."

"Given what some thought?"

"My oath of celibacy."

A slim eyebrow arched, and Siri stood up in one graceful motion, crossing her arms over her chest.  "And where have these thoughts taken you?"

"Your bed, it seems."  He gave her a half-smile.  "I took an oath of celibacy for a variety of reasons.  Some of them were good, I think, and some of them were bad.  Part of me is running away from things I should have faced long ago.  And as much as it occasionally galls me to admit this sort of thing, I'm grateful to you."

She stepped closer and grinned.  "I hope you don't just mean that in the physical sense.  I appreciate your gratitude, but I'm not in the habit of sharing sex with people purely out of the goodness of my heart, and I hope you're not, either.  There ought to be something in it besides gratitude for both of us."

"Of course there is."  He reached out, catching her about her waist, and pulled her closer.  "You've given me a great deal to think about.  My oath, the reasons for it, the last five years..."

"Five years," she repeated.

"Five, yes.  Not eight.  I don't think I can talk about that yet."  He pressed a kiss to her stomach.  "We have two days before we land, and... I'd like to make the most of them."  He gave her a small smile.  "In for a circuit, in for a droid, as they say."

She shook her head, smiling back.  "I'm flattered, Obi-Wan.  But no."

A look of surprise flashed over his face before he could erase most of it.  "As you wish," he said.  "I take it you're... feeling better?"

"Yes, but that's not why.  I don't like the way things feel between us.  Strained.  Awkward."  She sighed.  "In my experience, that's not uncommon when you introduce sex to a platonic friendship.  And, really, sex isn't what destroys the friendship when that happens.  It's continuing to have sex after something tells you it isn't a good idea.  If we're feeling awkward, that's a good sign that we should quit while we're ahead."

"Oh."  He looked up at her, chagrined.  "I'm afraid I'm not terribly experienced in such things."

"Under other circumstances, though... you'd have had to threaten me with your lightsaber to get me out of your bed this trip."  She grinned and leaned down, brushing a kiss over his forehead.  "I don't want to jeopardize our friendship, Obi-Wan.  It means more to me than I generally care to admit.  It bothers me that I can't tell what's the matter with you, that I don't know what your motivations are.  If you decide you'd like to talk about them, I'd be happy to listen... whether that's as a prelude to something else--" She raised her eyebrows at that, a mischievous grin sliding over her face as she swept her tongue over her lower lip. "--or not."

Obi-Wan blinked a few times, then exhaled.  "Thank you.  I might eventually take you up on that."

"Now, would you care for a game of sabacc?" She smiled at him.  "We've got two days left.  Perhaps I can teach you how to bluff."

6. Coruscant, days after

Obi-Wan was having trouble sleeping.

Obi-Wan had been having trouble sleeping since the night the ship landed on Coruscant, and Siri kissed him on the cheek and told him good night.

It had been a week so far, and he had not been sleeping well.  When he did sleep, he dreamed, and after dreaming, he woke up panting, sweating, and sticky.  He'd spent more hours meditating at night than sleeping.

Anakin wasn't asking about it, but the look on his face over breakfast was concerned, to say the least.  Obi-Wan sighed and met his apprentice's eyes.  "I'm all right, Anakin," he murmured.

"You haven't slept more than an hour at a time for at least four days, Master."

Obi-Wan frowned.  "Am I keeping you awake?"

"No.  But will you let me try to help you?  I can meditate with you, at least..."

Obi-Wan shook his head.  "I appreciate it, Anakin, but it will pass."

"How do you know?" Anakin persisted.  "Have you felt like this before?" Concern was turning to worry.  "Was there a treatment for it then?"

Obi-Wan grinned a bit, memory rushing in to fill his thoughts.  "No, not really.  I was able to manage it in time.  I'll do the same now.  Try not to be concerned, Anakin.  I appreciate it, but it isn't necessary."

"Does this have anything to do with Knight Tachi?"

Obi-Wan's grin disappeared as he gave Anakin a sharp look.  "What makes you say that?"

"Ferus," Anakin sniffed.  "He says his master has been having trouble sleeping as well.  And I thought since the two of you had been in, ah, close quarters after the mission to Rodash IV..."

Obi-Wan struggled to maintain his composure.  "What do you know about Rodash IV?"

"There are rumors," Anakin smirked.  "And I've read about it in the archives."

The temptation to drop his head into his hands and groan was almost too great to resist.  Obi-Wan didn't want to think about what his apprentice had heard in shower rooms or what might be listed in the archives.  It was difficult enough to deal with this without Anakin smirking at him.

"You haven't talked to her since you got back to Coruscant, have you, Master?"

"The opportunity hasn't come up," Obi-Wan said.  Whether that was quite true or not, he hadn't considered until now.  He cleared his throat.  "Perhaps I'll see if she wants to have dinner with me tonight.  Would you be all right on your own this evening?"

"Sure.  I have some new motivators I've been wanting to test, and a few circuit boards to re-solder and re-wire..."

"Good."  Obi-Wan nodded.  "Thank you for your concern, Anakin, and for bringing this more fully to my attention.  It's appreciated."

Anakin was smirking again.  "Well, you're not much good to me if you're mooning over Knight Tachi all the time and losing sleep over it, Master."

Obi-Wan sighed.  Had he been this cheeky as a junior padawan?  He sincerely hoped not.

The private message Obi-Wan sent to Siri was answered almost immediately -- Of course I'll have dinner with you; what took you so long? -- leaving him with most of the day to think about what he was going to say to her.  Unfortunately, now that he was waiting for her outside the gardens, he had no idea what he was going to say.

Anakin was right; I haven't seen her in almost a week, and it isn't because the opportunity hasn't come up.  I've been avoiding her.

It wasn't that he was avoiding thinking about their trip back from Rodash IV.  He wasn't dwelling on it, exactly, but he wasn't avoiding thinking about it, either.  It had been... an interesting experience.

No, what he'd been avoiding thinking about was the three-year gap Siri had been unable to figure out.  And I can't tell her about that.  Can I?

The last two days on the ship had been awkward and frustrating, and although both of them had tried to cover it, it was all too obvious.  The blood fever had not been purged completely, either; Siri's muted emotions kept him awake the last two nights, even though he'd strengthened his shields as much as possible.

I should have told her, he thought, shaking his head.  Should have told her that my celibacy isn't about maintaining neutrality and rational thought, it's about cowardice and a stubborn grip on the past.  But he'd never told anyone that, and still wasn't sure it was a good idea.  What if she doesn't understand?  What if she hates me?  Fear welled up in him.  What if she tells the Council?  They'd take Anakin away from me, and then what?  What would happen to him?  Who could possibly handle him?  Force, -I- can't even handle him.  But at least our bond is a strong one.  Could he form another with someone else?

He'd maintained for years that sex only complicated matters, especially between friends -- had repeated that until he was able to turn down various offers without thinking back on them and regretting anything.  If someone had told him that Siri Tachi was going to be the one to get through his defenses...

...he probably wouldn't have been surprised.  He sighed.  She'd always been good at getting under his skin; she'd always known him too well to put up with his excuses or his rationalizations.  And she cared for him.  He'd been unfair to her over the last week; unfair to her on the ship.  And she was having trouble sleeping, too...

That was enough to trigger his guilt.  I should have checked on her to make sure she was all right.  I should have explained it on the ship, when she asked.  I should have trusted her.

"Yes, you probably should have."

Obi-Wan jumped.  "What?" he asked.  He spun around.  Siri's arms were folded over her chest.  She wasn't smiling or smirking or frowning; her expression was unreadable.  Obi-Wan frowned.

"I can still pick up surface thoughts," she told him.  "You've been keeping me up nights."

"I'm sorry.  I had no idea..."

"Your shields are usually better than mine," she admitted grudgingly.  "I was going to give you a few more days and then insist we talk.  I think Ferus is more than a little worried about what happened on the transport home."  She narrowed her eyes.  "I suspect someone's apprentice has been filling him in on the rumors that surround that particular mission."

Obi-Wan winced.  "I'm sorry--"

"It's all right.  How are you?"

"Edgy," Obi-Wan confessed.  "I'm not sleeping well -- you already know that -- and I wanted to talk to you.  Will you take a walk with me before dinner?"

"Of course."  They entered the gardens together, and Obi-Wan tucked his hands into the sleeves of his robe.  Siri smiled slightly at that.  Always so serious, she thought.

I heard that.

She laughed.  "Just testing."

Obi-Wan's feet traced a path he'd walked many times as a padawan.  He knew where he was leading her long before they got there; the tree was still there, the spot still mostly unnoticed.  He sank down into the grass and leaned back against the tree.  The artificial sky was beginning to fade into sunset.  It was really quite beautiful here.  Siri sat down facing Obi-Wan and shivered slightly.

"Are you cold?"

"No, I feel... something." She frowned.  "I can't tell what, exactly.  The tree...?  This spot...?  What is it?"

"This was my favorite spot when I was a padawan.  I've been here so often the tree practically knows me by name.  I used to meditate here."  He sighed and leaned his head back agianst the tree trunk.  "Do you remember my telling you that I'd been rethinking my reasons for taking an oath of celibacy?"

"Of course."

"I wanted..."  He hesitated.  "I wanted to tell you about that, if you'd like to hear.  I think -- you're my friend, and after the transport home, I think you deserve to know."  Her eyes met his, and he didn't look away, though he was tempted to.  "I haven't talked to anyone about it.  Ever.  I trust you.  Will you promise not to tell anyone about this?"

Siri reached out for him, but stopped short of touching him.  She dropped her hand to the grass between them, and nodded.  "Yes.  I promise."

His hand reached down to cover hers.  "Part of why I've been celibate these last few years is because I know Anakin needs my full attention.  I can't afford to become distracted.  He's not ordinary, not anything close to it, even for a Jedi.  He's been a challenge to teach, but one I'm grateful for."

"I understand.  Well... perhaps not completely, but I understand what it's like to have an apprentice who challenges you."  Siri turned her hand over so her fingers threaded through Obi-Wan's, and squeezed lightly.  "'Part of' why...?"

"And the rest of why is because I've been hiding from my emotions since my last lover died."  He took a deep breath.  "In my arms."  Still no response from Siri.  "On Naboo."

The flicker of shock in her eyes passed quickly enough that he could almost have fooled himself into believing it hadn't been there at all.  Siri blinked, slowly.  "Oh, Force, Obi-Wan, I had no idea..."

"Well, no, I should think not."  The corners of his mouth quirked up a bit.  "We were very careful."

"You were -- well, you would have had to be.  Did -- Has -- Have you told anyone else about this?"

"Not until now."

She squeezed his hand a little tighter.  "I'm so sorry."  She slid closer to him, letting him wrap an arm around her and tucking herself into his side.  "I wish you'd told me sooner.  I would have... well, I'm not sure what I would have done, but it must have nearly killed you.  Someone should have been there for you."

He let out a breath.  "I appreciate it," he said.  "You don't think less of me for it?"

"Obi-Wan..." She sighed.  "I don't give a damn about what the Council thinks of master-padawan affairs.  I truly don't.  It's none of their fucking business, as far as I'm concerned, and certainly not now.  It's been five years."  And there was that three-year gap, explained now.  Her voice was softer when she continued.  "I always knew you cared deeply for him.  I didn't realize it was more than that."

"You have no idea."  He sighed and squeezed her tight.  "It was worse than just being in an illicit relationship.  I was... he was... it was an attachment, well beyond what's acceptable in the Order.  We both knew that even my knighting wouldn't be enough.  Had the Council discovered us, he would certainly have been expelled from the Order, and me with him."  Obi-Wan smiled, but it was devoid of humor.  "He knew what the Order meant to me, so we kept it a secret.  I think, had it been up to him, he would have been willing to leave.  But he knew I wasn't.  We'd been arguing back and forth over it for years, trying to weigh our options, sometimes truly believing we'd be better off without each other.  And then there was Naboo, and... I couldn't believe I'd ever thought that.  Half of me was missing."

"I'm sorry."

They were quiet for a while, and the awkwardness that had begun on the ship seemed to clear, like fog, as the sun rises.  Siri closed her eyes and drew an arm around Obi-Wan's chest, feeling it rise and fall with his breath.

"I never wanted to feel that way again," Obi-Wan murmured.  "I didn't want to take another lover.  I barely wanted to see my friends.  It's been a long time, now, and I've grieved.  I'm not sure I ever stopped."

"I can't blame you."

"I can blame myself." He pulled back a bit to look at her.  "I've been avoiding my own emotions for five years now.  This was not a rational, well-thought-out decision.  This was a decision I made to absolve myself of the responsibility of thinking.  Or feeling.  And it worked quite well until Rodash IV."

"Do you want me to feel sorry about that?  Force, Obi-Wan, I don't know what to tell you.  I can't--"

"Stop.  I don't want you to be sorry.  I want to thank you."  He grinned at her slightly stunned expression.  "I haven't had anyone around who consistently forces me to face my fears and my doubts for a long time.  I'm sure that as he grows older, Anakin will do that for me, but that's a few years off at the moment.  I'm glad you're back at the Temple.  Your methods might be a bit more -- ah -- straightforward than Qui-Gon's were, but it's no less appreciated.  It means a great deal to me.  I'm grateful."

"'Straightforward', eh?  That's what you're calling it?"

He grinned.  "If you'd prefer, I can go on thinking of you as a pain in the ass."  He turned his face toward hers, close enough that their noses brushed against each other.  "I still have a great deal of thinking to do.  I'm sure I can work that in."

"How touching."  She rubbed her nose against his intentionally this time.  "I'm glad I could help you, Kenobi."

"So am I."  Their lips were almost touching, and she could feel his breath on her face as he spoke.  "And I enjoyed helping you.  Are you all right now?  Fully recovered?"

"Yes."  She moved closer, close enough that he could feel her lips moving under his as she spoke.  "I'm afraid you're going to have to make a rational, well-thought-out decision now."

"Oh?"  He brushed his lips over hers, not quite a kiss, but close.  "About what?"

She drew back.  "About whether you'd like to ask me for more than dinner."  She pulled away from him and stood up.  "But let's start with dinner now, shall we?  I'm hungry."  She held out a hand to him, and he took it, letting her help him up.  She smirked at him for a moment, then spun on her heel and headed out of the gardens.

More than dinner?

He was going to have to give it some serious thought.

END