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Coming Out

Author: Emma Grant
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Lots of things come out at a birthday party for Siri.
Warnings: non-con, het sex
Disclaimer: I don't own any of this. Just playing!
Feedback: Of course.

Note: Muchas gracias a Helens y Jedi Rita for the betas, the support, and the lengthy conversations about this wonderful universe -- y'all kick ass!


I don't know what I'm doing here. I didn't intend to come, but here I am
anyway, sitting on a bar stool, watching as every senior padawan currently on
Coruscant is dancing, drinking, writhing, and generally debauching himself,
herself, itself... Some genders just don't fit into categories. The music
is loud, the drinks are strong, and I really feel out of place tonight.

Obi-Wan convinced me to come. "It's Siri's Coming Out," he said. "We're
giving her the party of the year. You simply cannot miss it." I resisted.
He pleaded. I still resisted. He reminded me of how much fun I'd had at
his Coming Out two years earlier. I reminded him I got so drunk that night
I hardly remember it.

That's not quite true. I do remember much of that night, and I
particularly remember how he looked at me as the party drew to a close, when
many of his friends were finally staggering home. He'd leaned against the
wall and just stared at me, playing idly with his braid, inviting me, daring
me to take him up on his unspoken offer, despite the fact that I'd ended our
affair months earlier. Parts of my memory after that are spotty, but I do
remember how I kissed him and pressed him into the wall. And how he--

"Qui-Gon, you made it!" T'nell's voice is in my ear, shouting over the
blaring dance music, pulling me back into the moment. He slings a long arm
around my neck and kisses me sloppily. He's pleasantly buzzed, though not
from alcohol, as far as I can tell.

I smile at him. "Having a good time?" He nods vigorously. "Had a go at the
birthday girl yet?"

He laughs. "Actually, yes. And now I have nothing left to look forward to
tonight, do I?" He slides a little closer, smiling slyly, eyes sparkling.
It's clearly an invitation, and one I'm suddenly considering, much to my
surprise. I haven't thought about him much since that night, months ago,
with Obi-Wan. He's one of Obi's clubbing buddies and occasional lovers, so I
suppose I've been hesitant to pursue any sort of relationship with T'nell.
My apprentice tends to be a bit possessive with his friends.

Obi-Wan hasn't exactly been paying much attention to me lately, and at the
moment I'm finding this attention from T'nell quite intriguing. I smile a
little wider at him and pull him close, kissing him tentatively. He melts in
my arms, his mouth surrendering to mine instantly, arms snaked around my
back. He kisses like Obi, now that I think about it. He doesn't feel the
same in my arms, but still...

As if on cue, a third body is pressed against my side, arms twined around us
both. "Hello, boys," that familiar voice purrs softly. "Weren't you going
to wait for me?"

T'nell kisses my padawan on the cheek in greeting, saying, "I told you he'd
come. You owe me a drink." Obi-Wan smirks at T'nell before turning his gaze
to me. After the last week, it's a little strange to be subject to that
intense stare, usually reserved for the next person he plans to fuck. That
couldn't possibly be me, not after the way he's--

"I'm glad you're here, Qui." He insinuates himself between T'nell and me,
wrapping his arms around my neck, pulling my face close to his. "You
wouldn't have wanted to miss this." His lips brush mine teasingly, twice,
before I capture his mouth at last. I'm surprised at how good it feels to
kiss him, how much I've missed him. He's clearly intoxicated, but I don't
want to think that is why he's here now, in my arms. My lips part at his
insistence, and his tongue snakes into my mouth.

"Hey!" I pull away quickly, spitting a small pink pill into my hand. I push
him back into T'nell's arms, a little harder than I intended. "I don't take
these -- you know that."

He shrugs, his expression suddenly blank. "Fine." He stares at me for a
moment. The ice princess is back, apparently. I've been trying for over a
week to learn what has him so on edge. He won't talk to me.

"T'nell, come dance with me." He pulls the other padawan away, holding my
gaze coolly for a few more seconds before turning his back to me.

What the...?

To say that I am shocked by his behavior would not come close to describing
my emotions at this moment. He's never tried to force any sort of drug on
me before, and I can't understand why he would do so now, tonight. And to
drag T'nell away from me, when it was obvious that he and I were...

Could that be it? Could he be jealous? His possessiveness has always been
expressed through teasing before, not outright hostility.

I pick up my neglected drink once again, swirling it in inspection before
taking another sip. The song changes, and people rush to the dance floor.
The room itself seems to pulse with the beat.

I haven't been to a Coming Out since Obi-Wan's, more than two years ago. It
was in a smaller, quieter club than this, and there weren't so many people
there as are here tonight. His friends kept it private as well -- Jedi only.
Coming Out is a fairly old tradition -- at least a few hundred years old.
At one time, it actually did mark a padawan's transition to adulthood, but
now it's essentially an excuse for a wild party.

T'nell, Obi, and Bant planned this party for Siri on a much larger scale than
any I've experienced before. They reserved this club and let word of the
event spread through the trendy young crowd that frequents such
establishments. Jedi Coming Out parties are notorious, and wealthy
club-hopping Coruscanti youth have come to consider them social events not to
be missed.

As a result the crowd tonight is large, young, edgy, full of energy, and full
of the Force. They're also full of a variety of legal and illegal sustances.
I don't approve that Obi-Wan dabbles in such things, but he does so rarely,
and only when surrounded by friends he trusts.

He's dancing with T'nell and another boy I don't recognize. He's having fun,
I remind myself, perhaps releasing some of that carefully guarded tension
that's been shrouding his Force aura for weeks. Coming Out is supposed to be
a bit of a free-for-all, where the rules are relaxed and people enjoy
themselves and each other. That's probably why he tried to give me the Chaq
-- maybe he thought I'd be open to trying something like that tonight. Or
maybe he had something else in mind.

I think I'm getting a little old for this. I scan the room, and realize with
increasing distress that I'm very likely the oldest person here. I lean back
against the bar with a sigh -- I'm a fucking chaperone at a padawan party.
I should get the hell out of here and go do something else. Find someone
closer to my own age to fuck, maybe.

I signal the bartender to bring me another drink. Fortification first, then
I'll sneak away. There's someone I've been meaning to pay a visit to anyway.

My arms are quite suddenly full of a young, scantily-clad woman, who presses
her mouth to mine, hard -- oh, Force... tongue... that's... enough,
that's... kind of nice, actually... I start to kiss her back. She moans
and pulls away just enough that I can finally see her face. I blink,
genuinely surprised.


"Hello, Master Jinn," she purrs, all smiles and sparkles and blonde hair and
lipstick -- I've never seen Siri wearing any sort of cosmetics before, and
I've certainly never seen her like this.

What she's wearing -- or perhaps not wearing -- drives memories of a
stubborn little girl in drab Jedi robes out of my mind. A very short, tight
black leather skirt is cut low on her hips, so low that the silver thong
she's wearing peeks out of the waistband, leaving a good thumb-width of
golden skin between the black leather and the silver straps tracing the width
of her hips. She stretches up a little, clearly enjoying the attention --
this is her night, after all. Even more of that silver fabric emerges from
her skirt. It's more like she's sewn herself into a strip of black leather,
really. Other than that, she's wearing a silver top, the purpose of which
must only be to cover her breasts. It barely does that, and covers little
else. Most of what I see when I look at her sleek, athletic body is skin --
golden, shimmering skin. Her navel is pierced, and I immediately wonder if
Adi approves. I wonder if Adi knows that her padawan looks like this

Siri has been watching my eyes travel up her body and she takes a step back,
posing for me now, long golden legs apart, thumbs hooked into the waist of
the leather skirt, hip cocked to one side. Her chin is tilted down just
slightly and she looks up at me through thick dark lashes. Her eyes are
lined with a dark color, and her lips are shockingly red. Her long blonde
hair is pulled back from her face by a wide black leather strap, and it falls
loosely around her shoulders. Her lips part slightly, and the tip of her
tongue snakes out to wet the lower one. One hand darts up to playfully
finger the strand of barrier packets around her neck.

That is a tradition much older than me as well. The person Coming Out
wears a necklace made of a number of barrier packets threaded on a leather
strap -- typically 18, or whatever number constitutes the age of majority for
the individual's species. Tradition holds that the wearer must personally
use all of the packets during the course of the night. I think I managed to
get through eight myself, and I could barely walk the next day. Siri looks
like she's about halfway through her supply already. She fingers one of the
packets while watching my face.

How much time has passed? I think I've been staring at her for several
minutes. I meet her gaze at last and almost blush at the smile that caresses
her lovely face. I suddenly feel a bit perverted, leering at this girl -- a
girl, who's only legal as of today, I remind myself. I take a controlled

"Siri, you... you've grown up. Quite nicely, I might add."

She smiles wide and slinks forward, sliding her arms around my neck and
pressing herself between my knees. Her mouth is inches from mine, and her
breath is warm on my chin, smelling of wine. Her lips brush mine as she
presses her pelvis into my groin.

"Master Jinn," she whispers between feathery kisses, "I've fantasized about
you for years. I've always thought you were one of the sexiest masters in
the Order." She kisses me teasingly, lips tugging at mine, tongue darting
into my mouth slightly before pulling away again. "Obi-Wan and I used to lie
awake at night and talk about you during sleepovers. He would tell me what
you looked like naked." She kisses me again.

This is... well, very strange, I must admit. One isn't normally
propositioned so directly by padawans, and I have to remind myself yet again
that this is part of Coming Out -- rank and relationships are generally
ignored by all. I'm becoming very aroused by all of this, despite the fact
that I typically prefer women who are a little more mature. I seem to have a
weakness for young men, but most of my female lovers have been older than me.
Now that I think about it, I realize I haven't been with a woman in years.
In fact, Adi may have been the last one.

Oh, don't think about that now, not when her padawan is here, pressing
herself between my legs, kissing me...

She pulls away again and grins. "I always thought you'd be a great kisser.
I was right."

"I'm good at other things as well," I smile, pulling her closer. I may
regret this in the morning, but at the moment I don't care. It's her Coming
Out. She can choose whomever she wants. It would be inconsiderate to say
no. I lean forward to kiss her again, and see that Obi-Wan is collecting a
drink at the bar not far away, watching us with a strange expression on his

Siri glances down at the barrier packets around her neck. "Want to help me
get rid of one of these?"

"Just one?"

Obi-Wan, drink in hand, is moving towards us. He doesn't look happy. I
glance pointedly over Siri's shoulder, and she turns to face him just as he
arrives. He smiles coolly at her. Siri leans back against me, pulling one
of my hands around to rest on her bare abdomen, just below her navel. My
fingertips graze the edge of the silver fabric. Obi-Wan raises an eyebrow at
her, jaw tensing just slightly.

"Hello, Siri. Still trying to get rid of those barriers, are you?"

"I'm going to beat your record," she grins, pulling my other hand up and --
oh, Force -- sucking one of my fingers into her mouth. I'm suddenly hard,
and I can't help pressing my erection into her ass. She presses her body
back. I have to close my eyes.

I can feel the irritation rolling off of my apprentice. I open my eyes, and
see that he is only barely concealing it.

And for some reason, I don't care. He has been quite difficult lately, ever
since we returned from that extended mission to Ferri Prime. He hasn't let
me touch him since we got back. We haven't had sex in weeks. He's been
sulky, irritable, and occasionally rude to me tonight. I'm tired of his
behavior. I want him to be jealous, if that is indeed what he's feeling.
I lean forward and trace my tongue along the shell of Siri's ear, slowly, my
eyes locked on Obi-Wan's.

His cool gaze slowly becomes a mild glare. "Siri, I'd like to have a word
with my master, if you don't mind."

She tenses against me, realizing that he's actually angry. I'm beyond
irritated at Obi-Wan, but this may be a good opportunity to straighten out
the apparent rift between us. "Go on," I whisper. "Perhaps later." She
slips away, leaving me to face my surly apprentice. I shift uncomfortably on
the stool, but I don't bother to hide my arousal.

Obi-Wan's gaze follows Siri as she rejoins a group on the dance floor. When
he turns back to me, his eyes immediately focus on my crotch. "So, Master,
are you planning to seduce all my friends tonight, or just the ones you
know would irritate me the most?"

That can't be what's really bothering him. It can't be that simple. "What
are you talking about?"

He gives me a long look. "Please, Qui-Gon. You prefer anonymous sex. You
seek it out here, in places like this. I've never known you to fuck someone
you actually know in a club."

I raise an eyebrow at that. "Never?" He gives me an odd look, then takes a
sip of his drink. He doesn't remember. I thought he wouldn't. He was
fairly drunk. So was I.

"Well... never, as far as I know. Look, I only asked you to come because
you've seemed kind of tense lately, and I thought it would do you some good."

I choke out a startled laugh. "I've been tense? You must be joking.
You're the one who's been sulking for a week now!"

"I have not been sulking."

"No? You've barely spoken a sentence to me in days. You won't let me
anywhere near you. You duck out early, alone, and return after I've gone to
bed. I almost didn't come tonight because I couldn't imagine you'd want me
here. Ever since we've gotten back from Ferri Prime--"

"Oh, no, no -- do *not* bring up Ferri Prime now. That's not fair."

I steel my jaw, biting back the retort that so quickly comes to mind. I pick
up my drink and take a sip, forcing myself to wait out my anger. He had been
extremely frustrated that our mission was unexpectedly extended, and he took
that frustration out on me. He wouldn't tell me what was wrong, and I still
am not sure precisely what the problem was. It was true that we didn't
really need to stay for the ceremonies, and I should have consulted him
before agreeing with the Council's suggestion that we remain there for
another week. We had a very intense argument when he found out, and he
stormed out of our shared room, disappearing for the rest of the night. He
apologized for his behavior the next morning, but he hasn't slept with me
since -- literally. He's kissed me a few times, but only in that teasing
manner he affects when he wants something from me.

Maybe I've been sulking a little as well. I'm being punished for something,
but I have no idea what I did to deserve this treatment. Perhaps I've been
pouting into my drink, hoping to catch his eye. The only positive attention
I've gotten tonight has been from his concerned friends, and when I've
responded to their attention, he's gotten jealous. Have I been *trying* to
make him jealous? I need to put a stop to this.

I sigh and reach for his hand, enfolding it in my own. "Obi-Wan, we can't
continue like this. I'm sorry for whatever I did to make you withdraw from
me, and I'm sorry my behavior tonight is irritating you. Perhaps my coming
here was a bad idea. I should leave."

He jerks his hand away, scowling. "You won't get to play the martyr that
easily. Forget Ferri Prime. I've already told you that I was... it was
nothing. It doesn't matter anymore, at least." He takes a sip of his drink
and scans the dance floor. "Go find someone to fuck, all right?" He turns
to look at me, his expression controlled. "Then come home to me."

Something snaps in me at that, and I slam my glass onto the bar. "So I'm to
jump at your command, is that it? I only get to fuck you when you decide
I've behaved well enough, and I deserve to be rewarded? Did it ever occur to
you that perhaps I want something else? That perhaps you've rejected me a
little too frequently lately, and I've had enough?" I stare hard at him,
realizing that I'm shaking. Because every word is true.

His eyes widen and he takes a step back. For a moment I think he's actually
going to show some emotion, but he steels himself. "Fine," he says, voice
small and sharp. He opens his mouth to say something more, and then closes
it again. We stare at each other for a long moment, the silence hanging
heavy between us, even immersed as we are in the noise of the club.

The tension is physically broken by a lithe body darting between us to hop up
on the bar. Startled, I turn towards the boy with stylishly spiky blond hair
and a padawan braid that's been tinged blue. He grins at us both. "Buy me a

"Keli," Obi-Wan begins, "This isn't a good time."

Keli pouts just a little before turning to me hopefully. I've only met him
once before, and that was in the Temple, where he looked like any other
padawan. He looks much younger here, almost waiflike and innocent.
Coincidentally, today is his seventeenth birthday, and he's wearing the shirt
that Obi gave him as a gift -- tight pink shimmersilk, with the word
"JAILBAIT" printed in silver across his chest. I shudder to think what his
Coming Out will be like in a year.

As much as I'd like to buy him a drink, it would only infuriate Obi-Wan
further at this point. Keli looks back at Obi-Wan and seems to realize that
he's interrupted something. He hops down off of the bar and smiles
apologetically, preparing to leave us to our argument. He reaches out and
strokes Obi-Wan's arm. "You promised to dance with me tonight, remember? I
plan to hold you to that."

Obi-Wan smiles. "How about now?" He turns to me. "Unless you want a go at

I can only glare in response. How dare he suggest that I...?

He turns and walks away, pulling an embarrassed Keli with him.



I don't look back as I pull Keli to the dance floor. I don't want to see the
look on Qui's face. I can feel his anger and pain plainly enough as it is.

Why am I doing this? Why am I being such a dick to him tonight? I have no
idea. I just see him, see the way he looks at me and... it just comes out.

Get over it, Qui. Get over me. I will only hurt you.

I find an empty-enough spot and pull Keli close, moving in time to the beat.
He leans in to speak in my ear.

"What the fuck was that all about?"

I shrug at him, giving him a look that clearly says I don't want to talk
about it.
He isn't so easily deterred, and leans in again.

"I cannot imagine talking to my master like that! I can't imagine wanting
to, either."

"You're not fucking your master." I search the crowded dance floor for a

"Well, neither are you, apparently." He raises an eyebrow. He's not going
to drop the subject.

I sigh and rest my chin on his shoulder, giving in to him much too easily.
"I don't know what's wrong with me. I wanted him here, but then I saw him
with T'nell and Siri, and..." I stop, still not knowing why that upset me so

"Obi-Wan, it's a Coming Out party, and there is no rank here. Everybody
knows that. He can fuck anyone he wants tonight, and it doesn't matter.
Besides, it looked like *they* were the ones coming on to him."

I close my eyes at that. It's true, and I had no right to act that way,
so... possessive. What's wrong with me?

"What is it?" Keli pulls away a little to look at my face, suddenly
concerned. I try to wipe my expression clean, but it's too late. He's too
good at this.

"Oh, no, don't tell me... Obi-Wan, this isn't about him, is it?"

I drop my chin to my chest at that. I don't want to think about that right
now -- but he's probably right. I shrug. Keli lifts my chin with a gentle
touch, so we're nose to nose. He smiles sadly.

"Obi, you can't keep doing this to yourself. You tried to get in touch with
him, and he didn't try back. You might see him again and you might not.
Forget about him. This isn't healthy."

No, it's pretty fucking unhealthy.

Keli is the only person who knows about Gana. When Qui and I completed our
mission on Ferri Prime, the stay was unexpectedly extended, and I missed my
meeting with Gana at the restaurant. I've stopped blaming Qui for that, but
I acted badly when he told me. I still need to explain myself to him -- but
that means I'd have to tell him about Gana, and *that* means that I'd have to
figure out exactly why a man I've never even fucked has gotten under my skin
this way. I suppose I'm afraid of what Qui would say, and of what he would
think. Force, I'm afraid of what I think.

After I left Qui that night on Ferri Prime, I tried to comm T'nell, but he
was off-planet on a mission. The only person I could get in touch with was
Keli, and so I asked him to deliver a message for me to the restaurant. It
explained why I wasn't coming and asked Gana to meet me there two weeks
later, or leave another message if he couldn't. He didn't come then -- I
waited for an hour -- and he hadn't left a message. I haven't seen him

I've spent a lot of time in the clubs, looking for him. Occasionally I go
back to that restaurant, but he's never there either. The hostess knows my
face now, and she always shakes her head no when she sees me. No, he
hasn't been here. No, he hasn't left a message. Get a fucking life.

Keli slides his hands down my back and squeezes my ass, bringing me back to
the moment. "I think I know what you need," he purrs. That sly grin is hard
to resist. I finally have to grin back.

"Have somebody in mind?"

"Yes, but this is for you. You have to pick."

I scan the dance floor. This is a game we've started playing in the last few
weeks -- a game we've gotten quite good at. Keli and I look... well, very
good together, and we've found that dancing provocatively while staring at
someone we're interested in will bring him to his knees -- sometimes
literally -- in a matter of minutes.

I spot a man dancing with a small group nearby, someone I haven't seen
before. He's humanoid, with some strange dark markings on his otherwise pale
skin -- I can't tell if they're tattoos in this light. He's very muscular,
much bigger than me, with a long braid of dark hair hanging down his back.
He's not wearing much. Convenient.

I nod my head in his direction. "That one. Muscle man, with the silver

Keli grins. "Ohh, him. Yeah, I've had him. He looks like he'd like to ride
you rough, but he's a bottom. Don't let him suck your cock -- unless you
like teeth. He's got a couple of more rows of them than you'd expect."

I'm suddenly having second thoughts. Maybe I'm just not in the mood tonight.
"Well, who do you want?" I grin at him and nuzzle his cheek. Even though
I'm no longer his teacher, we haven't slept together in months -- we're just
friends, and not even friends who fuck -- but I'm feeling nostalgic tonight.
Or desperate.

Keli looks down, smiling. "No, I don't... Nobody, really. I was just with
somebody, and I... I want to get you laid right now." He smiles, clearly
trying to change the subject. "I think you need it more than I do anyway."
He ducks again.

It's my turn to pull his chin up. "What is this? Why the big secret?"

"No, Obi, forget it."

Now I must know. I decide to try tickling, which usually works with him.
"Tell me, come on -- who is it? Who is this mysterious person you want to
fuck tonight?"

He wriggles in my arms, laughing. "No! It's... stop! It's not like

"Then how is it?" I stop tickling. He rolls his eyes and sighs

"Promise you won't laugh. No, that's not enough. Promise you won't give me
any shit."

I can't help but grin now. "I'll only promise not to laugh. You can't
expect anything more than that, if you want me to help you."

He snorts. "Well, I do need your help, unfortunately." His hands come up
running through his hair, slightly mussing the style that I know it takes him
time and effort to create out of the standard padawan buzz cut. He pauses
again, uncertain. "I was wondering if you would introduce me to Siri."

I have to choke back the laugh that I promised not to release. "Siri?
Force, Keli, it's her Coming Out! If you want to fuck her, all you have to
do is ask her. No doubt she'd jump at the chance." I can't tell for certain
in the dim colored lights, but it almost looks like he's blushing.

"I don't want to fuck her, Obi-Wan. Well, yes, I do, but... Not here, like
this. She'd think it was just a fuck, and that's not what I want. I was
hoping I could... I don't know, get to know her a little. Ask her out on a
date, or something."

I blink a few times, digesting what he's just said. I've only seen him hook
up with men in the clubs, and it hadn't occurred to me that he might have had
experience with women as well. I was starting to think that we had that in
common. Well, I'd hoped, certainly.

This is a bit of a blow, I must admit. I don't know what to say, so I do the
only other thing that comes to mind -- I tease him. I grin wickedly and
start to tickle him again, in that controlled way that I've discovered turns
him on.

"I see. Keli likes Siri, is that it?" He laughs and tries to wiggle
away, but the effect is that he writhes against me pleasantly. "Keli likes
Siri! You want to date her? You want to snuggle with her in the back seat
of a speeder? You want her to be your--" I suck in a dramatic breath as I
poke him in a particularly ticklish spot -- "girlfriend?"

He squeals in an adorable way and finally gives in, plastering himself
against me, breathing hard, eyes bright. "Yes," he pants. "I think I do."
Something twists in my stomach at that. He and I have had quite a lot of fun
together in the last few weeks, but if this were to happen -- well, I'd lose
him as a clubbing buddy. People in couples tend not to have casual sex with
other people. At least, I don't think they do.

He is looking up at me expectantly, and I realize he was worried about asking
me this. He chews his lower lip a little nervously. I can't help but smile
at that -- he's so adorable. I catch his lips in a kiss, as sweet as I can
make it, full of softness and things unsaid, unknown, unpromised.

When the kiss is over, he keeps his eyes closed for one second more, as if
savoring the moment. "That's not fair," he finally says. "You promised you

"I know," I reply, stroking his cheek in an effort to get him to open his
eyes. When he does, I am struck by the emotion I see there. "Somehow I
thought it didn't matter now, tonight." He smiles and hugs me tightly. I
can feel his sudden arousal pressing against me, and it reassures me somehow.

"Oh, but it does. I fall for people so easily, and you don't want that." He
shrugs a little in the embrace. "At least not from me, and I can accept
that, as long as I can be your friend."

I embrace him tightly for a moment, kiss his forehead, and then step away.
"Well, do you want me to introduce you to Siri now?"

His eyes widen. "Oh, fuck no, not now!" He looks around furtively,
apparently hoping she's not in earshot.

I raise an eyebrow. "Not now? Perhaps you'd like me to slip a note to her
in the refectory -- 'Keli likes you. He wants to know if you like him too.'

He shoots me a mock glare. "Oh, fuck you. I'm serious, Obi. I like her,
and I want to do this... well, not the way I usually do. Not the way I did
with you, that's for sure." He grins sheepishly, shrugging. "I don't know,
maybe you could introduce me to her tomorrow or something."

"If you think she'll be in a state to be out and about tomorrow, I'm afraid
you're going to be disappointed!" He shrugs again. I spot Siri across the
room, leaning against the smaller bar on the dance floor. "Look, there she
is. I've something I wanted to tell her anyway. I'll just... drop your
name, casually."

"Okay." He doesn't sound convinced. Suddenly, he whirls around to face the
other direction. "Oh, fuck, she's looking this way!"

I can only stare at the nervous adolescent that has taken the place of my
confident and charming friend. I shake my head sadly. Things are going to
be different after tonight.

I squeeze his shoulder in a comforting gesture before making my way across
the room towards Siri. She's sweaty at the moment -- she must have just come
from the back room -- and is absolutely glowing. She's flirting with a
petite girl with short dark hair who seems to be hanging on her every word.

Well, she is beautiful -- even I can see that. Jedi stand out in these
clubs in general, but the women particularly do so. Unlike the trendy
Coruscanti club-going girls one sees everywhere, they are athletic,
confident, and very real. They exude a cool poise that the giggling,
artificially-enhanced party girls simply cannot emulate. Most civilian men
are fascinated and a little intimidated by them. The only women who are
remotely like them are the professional athletes that occasionally hit the
clubs when in the area for a tournament. T'nell once spent a good twenty
minutes flirting with a woman who was actually a famous Galini ball player,
thinking she was a Jedi he'd never met before. He asked her who her master
was, and she threw her drink in his face.

I slide in next to Siri at the bar and place a kiss on her bare shoulder.
This earns me a glare from the girl who's been working on getting into her
pants, and a laugh and a peck on the cheek from Siri herself.

"Obi, there you are! I was going to look for you. Did you get things
patched up with your master?"

I grimace at that. I'd momentarily forgotten she'd been witness to that
scene earlier. "Erm... sorry about that."

She mouths Later at the brunette, who gestures back with what must be the
largest dildo I've ever seen. My eyes widen as she walks away. I'd actually
been wondering what women did with the barriers...

Siri clears her throat and eyes me curiously over the rim of her glass of
ale. "Am I really the one you should be apologizing to? You were a prick to


"Fuck, Siri. And to think I was going to come over here and ask if I could
help you get rid of one of those." I finger one of the few barrier packets
left on the strap around her neck. She's done well for herself tonight --
I'm impressed.

She breaks into a startled laugh and presses a chaste kiss on my lips. "Obi,
that's so sweet! But no, you don't have to go out of your way to help me
out. I'm doing just fine on my own." She leans back against the bar, elbows
planted behind her, slouching casually. She blows an errant strand of hair
out of her face.

Wait a second -- did she just blow me off?

I turn on the charm, smiling brilliantly and cozying up to her. I slide my
arm around her waist. Her skin is slick to the touch with a mixture of sweat
and lube. I lean forward and kiss her, putting some genuine effort into it.
Her lips part easily at my insistence, and she lets me kiss her, with not a
little enthusiasm of her own. She tastes a little like semen and ale and
something else that I can't quite identify.

I pull away, smiling smugly. That always works. She stares at me blankly
for a second.

"What the fuck? Are you serious?"

My smile fades. "Yes, I'm serious. It's your birthday. I want to fuck
you. What's wrong with that?"

"You only like men. You've never been with a woman." She slides her free
hand between her thighs to grab her crotch. "I don't have the right
equipment." She grins wryly. "Well, that's not completely true, but I think
you'd still find something lacking."

I'm suddenly feeling uncomfortable with the turn that this conversation has
taken. "Maybe I have been with a woman and you just don't know about it."

She levels a long look at me. "Please, Obi. They don't get much slacker
than you."

"Slack? Me?" I try to appear offended, though I can't help but grin.
That's a term I've always applied to myself, though I don't admit it out loud
very often. I sigh dramatically and roll my eyes. "Perhaps I am slack.
Or perhaps I just haven't met the right woman yet."

She laughs. "Obi, if you were interested in women, you would have realized
it by now. It's no big deal, you know, not like it used to be. Nobody cares
that you have a preference for one gender. Even if they do, it's none of
their fucking business. Be yourself." She smiles wanly and squeezes my

I lean back against the bar, frustrated with this turn of events. I
appreciate her support, though it's a little disconcerting to be so bluntly
reminded of how different I am from most people I know. My friends have all
made it clear that they don't have a problem with it, but I still prefer to
keep it quiet. I don't know anyone else who's like me -- except maybe Qui.
I've only seen him with men. He's never questioned me directly about my
sexuality, nor have I about his. He's dropped hints, and we've joked with
each other about it. But mostly, he's just accepted me the way that I am, as
if it were the most normal thing in the world.


I scan the main bar area, but he's not here. I am suddenly compelled to find
him, to apologize, to throw myself at him -- anything to fix this rift
between us. It's not his fault. I've been a prick.

"Obi, one more thing," Siri whispers, pulling me close so she can whisper in
my ear. "Who was that guy you were dancing with before? The cute blond with
the 'Jailbait' shirt?"

I try to rein in my surprise. "Umm... Keli Briggs. Padawan to Master
Tyleen. Why?"

She chews her lower lip nervously, looking down. "I... nothing. I was just

Force. What a fucking coincidence.

I suppress the grin that is threatening to reveal my glee at having made this
discovery. "You like him, don't you?"

She shrugs noncommittally, but blushes all the same. After fucking at least
12 people in the last six hours, admitting to having a crush on someone
embarrasses her.

"Do you want me to introduce you to him sometime?"

"Oh, that'd be great!" She lights up immediately. "Not tonight, though.
This isn't the right place. I wouldn't want him to think I just wanted to
fuck him to use up another barrier or anything."

"Next time I see the two of you anywhere near each other, I'll introduce

She smiles and kisses the tip of my nose sweetly. "Thanks."

"Now if you'll excuse me, I have something I need to do."

I leave Siri to the dildo-bearing brunette who's been waiting for me to make
my exit, and head back towards the dance floor. No sign of Qui there. I
check the dark shadows of the back room. Nothing. I check the 'freshers,
the upstairs bar, the toy room -- and he's nowhere to be found. Perhaps he
left? In that case, maybe I should go find him. This is all my fault. I
have been obsessing over someone I don't really know, who clearly doesn't
want me -- whom I think I have entirely inappropriate feelings for -- and I'm
alienating my best friend in the galaxy. I have to tell Qui about Gana. I
can't keep this a secret any more.

The music changes from that bright and bouncy song that is so popular right
now to an angry angsty one with a fast beat. How appropriate. Maybe I
should just leave. br>I head down the stairs, eyes sweeping the bar once more, just in case -- and
I see something that stops me in my tracks. The back of the head, the hair,
the sleek jacket... Gana? My heart is pounding as my feet draw me closer,
afraid to see him again, but too weak to walk out the door, as I really ought
to do. He's close enough to touch now. I reach forward and put my hand on
his shoulder, and he turns around.

It's not him. Fuck. It's a ruggedly handsome human man, probably in his
late twenties, with dazzling violet eyes. His face is a bit scruffy, and his
dark hair is just a little too long. His clothes are tailored and stylish.
He reminds me of Gana, quite a bit.

He smiles and looks me over. His smile widens. "Hi there. Can I buy you a

I try not to let the disappointment show on my face as I nod. "Sure.
Whatever you're having."

He gestures to the bartender, never taking his eyes off of me. He's actually
very good looking, now that I think about it. I slide closer to him,
standing between his knees, and rest one hand on his thigh, keeping my
expression interested, but serene. He studies me for a moment.

"You're a Jedi, aren't you? I've seen you around."

My drink arrives in a very tiny glass. Funny how the strength of the
beverage tends to be inversely proportional to the size of the container. I
raise it to my lips.

"Yeah, I've seen you here several times. You're a great dancer." His eyes
trail downwards. "And you have a great body."

My expression remains neutral. I shoot the drink back and place the glass on
the bar, never dropping his gaze. Yeah, he'll do. I just need to take the
edge off. Then I'll go look for Qui.

He's still grinning madly. "So, what's your name? Been on any missions
lately? Well, any you could tell me about? I've always thought the Jedi
were fascinating. I have a third cousin who was a Jedi. Maybe you know him?
Nah, probably not. There's like thousands of Jedi, right? Do you have your
lightsaber here with you?"

Oh, please shut the fuck up.

He's becoming less attractive by the second. He could not be less like
Gana. Gana doesn't chatter to fill empty space with the sound of his own
voice. He doesn't ask stupid questions. He's not impressed with the fact
that I'm a Jedi, and he certainly isn't star-struck by it. I can be myself
around him, no more, no less.

Fuck. I miss him.

"You don't talk much, do you? Are all Jedi so quiet?"

I grab his shirt at the collar and pull him out of his seat. "Look, can we
cut the chatter and just fuck already? I don't have time for this shit
tonight. I need a cock in my ass. I assume you can do that for me? And not

His eyes are wide now, but he's still smiling. "Ummm... sure. Yeah."

I take his hand and pull him to the back room. We find a vacant spot along
the wall, and I remove my pants as quickly as I can, fishing a small tube of
lube and a barrier packet out of a pocket. I place them in his hands. He's
just standing there, mouth open, staring at me. I realize that I must look
odd, clad only in a shirt, cock semi-hard, but...

Maybe this was a bad idea.

"Are you going to stand there and gawk or are you going to fuck me? I don't
have all night."

He hurriedly unfastens his trousers, revealing a much smaller penis than I
was expecting. Perhaps he's just not aroused enough yet. I kneel and pull
his hips towards me, taking his cock in my mouth. My nose is buried in wiry
curls without gagging even slightly, which I find fairly amusing. He moans
above me, biting his lip, apparently keeping his promise not to speak. I
swirl my tongue around the underside of his penis and suck hard. He shudders
and threads his fingers in my hair, starting to fuck my mouth tentatively. I
quickly realize, with not a little disappointment, that this is as big as
it's going to get. Ah, well, it's not all about size, is it?

I release him and position myself on my hands and knees. He kneels behind
me, and I hear the barrier's wrapper being torn open. A lube-slicked finger
presses slowly into me.

Though I appreciate the thoughtfulness, I honestly don't need it -- certainly
not for him. "Just fuck me. I like it rough." He pauses, seemingly
hesitant. "Inside me, now!" This is getting annoying.

He complies, sliding easily into me, with no pain at all, and hardly any of
the uncomfortable initial pressure that I expected. He groans behind me. At
least he's still not talking. He starts to move slowly, pulling out until I
feel the head of his cock stretching the ring of muscle at my entrance, then
pushing in until his balls brush against mine. It feels good, but he's not
getting quite as deep as I like. I lean back a little and press my torso
down, trying to get him in deeper. Or at least to find a good angle.

Oh. There, that's better... "Harder. Come on...." He moves a little

I needed this. I needed anonymous sex, a fuck with someone I don't know and
don't want to know. I just need to get off and then I'll feel better. I
open my eyes.

And instantly wish I hadn't. Meters away, Qui -- where the fuck has he been?
-- is straddling a bench, while a half-naked blond woman... Siri? Of
She's moving to climb into his lap, pressing her groin against
his. The look on his face is one of sheer lust -- achingly familiar and
disturbingly earnest. He wants her. He's enjoying it. And he looks like he
knows what he's doing.

My mind reels at that. I thought he...

She kisses his neck. Her hand disappears into his pants. I can't believe
I'm watching this.

And then he sees me. His eyes meet mine and lock on, not letting me go. I
can't close my eyes. I can't look away. He's making me watch.

I feel anger building in me suddenly, but all I can do is glare at him and
mouth fuck you -- it's not enough. He stares back at me vacantly.

The man with the violet eyes is pounding into me now, and he reaches around
to stroke my cock in time. My erection is starting to flag a little, and I'm
losing interest despite his efforts. I struggle to focus on my own body,
regaining some control with the effort.

Siri stands and wriggles her short skirt up higher, tugging the silver thong
out of the way. Qui's hand disappears between her legs and she moans,
throwing her head back, hands pressing onto his shoulders for support. He
tears a barrier packet from the strap around her neck and opens it with his
teeth. He rolls it on himself somehow, one-handed. I didn't know he could
do that. His cock suddenly seems huge to me, especially now, with this to
compare it to...

The hand that was fondling Siri grasps her hip and guides her body forward.
She sinks down on him slowly, hissing with pleasure.

The look on his face is... I've seen that look many times. It's the same
look as when he's sliding into a man. He's not like me at all. He's like
the rest of them. Why didn't I know? How did I miss that?

Siri's movements build a steady rhythm, rising and falling on him. Her eyes
are closed, and her lower lip is caught between her teeth in concentration.
Qui is watching her face, sweat appearing on his forehead. He's breathing
faster. He looks at me again, watching me watch him, watch them. His hand
is back between her thighs now, touching her. She responds vocally to that
touch, telling him to do it a little faster. I realize that I have no idea
what he's doing, or what I would do if...

I am finally able to close my eyes. I try to concentrate on being fucked,
feeling the friction of a cock in me, thrusting... why isn't this working?
I open my eyes again.

Everything about Qui is so familiar -- the look on his face, the way his
mouth is slightly open, the way he closes his eyes when something feels
really good -- it's no different for him than making love to me. Not
special, not different, not... I've seen seem fuck dozens of men, and it's
never affected me like this, so it can't be simply jealousy. It's...

He's close, I can tell, and she sounds close too. At least she's making a
lot of noise. I am only vaguely aware now of the cock pounding in my ass,
the slick hand frantically pulling at my cock.

Time seems to slow down, and the sound all around me fades to a faint buzz.
All I can hear are the sounds of skin slapping on skin, of moans, and
breathing, and--

A cry behind me, and violet eyes is coming. Siri howls, bouncing in Qui's
lap. He squeezes his eyes shut, grimacing and digging his fingers into her

The sound rushes back in, so suddenly that it overwhelms me momentarily. I
sink to the floor as violet eyes pulls out of my body. I lost my erection
completely at some point, but I hardly noticed. I just want to stay here on
the floor. I want the rest of the world to melt away and leave me here. I
want to sleep. I want to go home.

A hand is on my shoulder.

"Go the fuck away. You got what you wanted."

The hand remains. It's a large hand... I raise my head to see Qui kneeling
beside me, expression cool, but concerned. I wipe tears from my cheeks. He
stares at me. Through me.

"Are you all right?"

"Do you give a fuck?"

His jaw tenses. Good.

"Of course I do."

"Why did you do that to me? I thought you were..." I look away, utterly
crushed, and more hurt by this revelation than I care to admit.

He sighs. "What are you talking about? Thought I was what?"

"Never mind. It hardly matters now." The bitterness is thick in my throat.

"Obi, please. It was her Coming Out. She asked me."

I snort. "And you couldn't resist, of course. I see."

"Why are you suddenly so concerned about whom I choose to fuck? You've
scarcely touched me for more than a week, and you've made it quite clear
tonight that you don't plan to do so anytime soon. You try to drive away
anyone else who's interested. Do you give a fuck?"

"No," I bite out, immediately wondering why I said it. It's not true.

His eyes narrow, and his body seems to hum with energy he can barely contain.
"You're lying. I know you care about me. I know you're angry with me. And
I know you're not telling me something."

I squeeze my eyes shut, determined not to cry, frustration building in me to
the breaking point. I clench my fists, struggling to let it fill me, so that
I can release it to the Force. It's not working. It's strangling me

I open my eyes to see that Qui's have gone dark. There's an expression on
his face that is intense and unidentifiable. I've seen him hurt. I've seen
him angry. I don't know what this is.

My lip trembles slightly. "Master?"

I am yanked from the floor and pressed into the wall, crushed beneath his
body, smothered by him. He's fumbling at his waist, pushing my body up,
forcing my legs open. And then he fills me in one swift movement, balls
deep, stretching me painfully tight. There is only a slight coating of lube
left inside me from the barrier, and it wouldn't be enough to ease his ent
rance if I were aroused. I whimper, biting my lip to keep from crying out.

He shouldn't have been able to get an erection again so quickly. It doesn't
make sense.

He starts to thrust, hard, grunting strangely. The rough wall is digging
into my back, and I have to grit my teeth. This is too much.

"Qui, stop."

He glares at me and thrusts harder.

"Qui, you're... you're hurting me." I press my hands against his chest,
trying to push him away.

He clamps a hand over my mouth and holds my jaw firmly, while pressing my
torso hard into the wall to keep me there. "Silence. I've heard enough from

Is this really happening? I know I've been a prick, but do I deserve this?
I know it's just sex, just a fuck, and it shouldn't matter, but somehow it
does. He's trying to hurt me. I'm being punished.

I start to cry in earnest now. His hand over my mouth muffles the sounds I'm
making, but he can still hear them. He can feel my tears falling onto his
hand. He keeps pounding into me.

Despite it all, my body is responding to him. It's been weeks since I've
felt him inside me, and now my cock is hard against his belly. He's brushing
my prostrate with every stroke. I start to relax, to stop fighting him, and
the pain begins to ease a little. I open my eyes and am startled by the
stranger staring back at me.

This isn't him, isn't *like him.

And just like that, the stranger is gone. The blood drains from his face. I
can feel his cock softening inside me and slipping out. He's lost his
erection. He wipes tears from my cheeks, absurdly gentle now, as if he
wasn't just...

I can't even think those words.

He inhales sharply, as if he is suddenly realizing what has happened.

"I'm sorry," he whispers hoarsely, backing away.

I hold out my hand. "Qui, wait. Don't--"

And he disappears from view, fading into the shadows, leaving me standing
here in nothing but a torn shirt, cock at half-mast, bewildered.

What the fuck just happened?


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